Thankyou LR! Hope all is going well with you! A friend called me last night and asked if I wanted to do something today so said yes! I think we will go looking at new comforters for my bed and just goof around all day! DIL has offered that the kids can come there if H brings them home before I get home! Funny how that all came together!!!! I like your response to your H...I tend to say more than I mean to so I will definitely use that!
Well, I am going to go work on my "speech" and looking hot!!! Thanks again!!!
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Well, H got here around noon today. We small talked about how cold it is and he talked about coming again tomorrow to split some wood. Then he and S14 went out and brought some in that he was using for weight in the back of the pickup. H came in and said "I put your tire in your car. You need to take that and get it patched". I WANTED to say DUH!, but I refrained and explained that yes, I knew that and planned to do it Monday. Then, H asked about the kerosene I bought. I explained that I got it from the local hardware store (they sell it in bulk and I wasn't going to drive 20mi in a blizzard!). H went on to say that that kind doesn't burn as clean as the clear kind and asked what we had used it in and looked irritated. I could feel tears coming on and luckily, he went outside when I really wanted to scream that IF he was here taking care of this stuff...blah, blah, blah! But, I controlled myself and had a smile for him when he came back in.
I then asked if I could talk to him for a minute (again with the irritated or impatient look) and I finished my little speech that I started the other day (thanks RW...pretty much word for word that you said). H seemed to soften a little. He didn't volunteer anything, just listened. After "our", I guess I mean "my" talk, he mentioned again that I should not be afraid to call him if I needed something, (ie. tire, wood etc.) that he just didn't want me to call him chewing him out. His XW used to do that all the time. I, on the other hand, do not make a habit of doing that. A few weeks ago, I did call him when I realized that he had left for work way earlier than he should have (am sure it was to see OW) but I really don't recall "chewing" him out! I just asked him why he had left so early!
Anyway, I asked him how long he was staying with the kids as I had plans and didn't know when I would be home. He said until around 3:00. I mentioned that he could drop kids at SS27's if I wasn't home and he said he couldn't see why they wouldn't be fine at home. He asked if SS27 and DIL knew and I said "yes" they pretty much know everything! I told him that they asked where he was and that I didn't tell them everything but that DIL had guessed and that I was honest with them. H said he'd be over tomorrow to split some wood and I left.
I had a great time! My friend and I went shopping for a new comforter for my room. I got some ideas but didn't buy anythig yet. Then we went to the casino for a little bit and then to dinner. Came back to our little town and met a couple other friend for drinks! I did have attention from one guy, (unfortunately a very drunk and weird guy)that everyone else knew but I had never met before! The girls and I had a couple of drinks and now I am home and typing on here~
Kids said H was on the computer so I checked the history and he visited a couple of sites that are on his favorites and also one that I had added to the list of favorites, an article about kids and separation and divorce. Not sure if that was a smart thing to do but guess I wanted him to know that I wasnt just sitting here waiting for him to come home and that I was looking into information for that "other" possibility!!!
So, tomorrow, I will go to church, looking smokin' hot of course (that kinda seems wrong to say that for church!!!) H said he'd be here sometime in the a.m. so am thinking that he will be here when I get home from church! I will smile, be happy and pleasant. I will not mention anything about my activities from today, I will not bring up anything to do with our relationship. If I were organized, I'd have something cooking in the oven that would make the whole house smell awesome!!!
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Well done CW inparticular the website in favs! that was brilliant. Glad you had a nice time, honestly when they first say you need to GAL is seems so grim and hard but its so essential as it makes you whole again and then its ten times easier to deal with the awful bits! Keep at it and keep smiling, if you feel a bit down rerun your lovely day through your head.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks for the words of encouragement RW, Kara and LR! Now, if I wouldn't have woken up to the fact that the toilet was running all night and that I now have water in my basement! I will call H and ask him to stop at Menard's on his way here and pick up whatever it is that we need to fix that! It has been going on for awhile!!! I am trying so hard to not depend on him for stuff and more stuff keeps popping up! grrr...
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CW, even when DBing you need to communicate with H re: practical issues: finances, kids, household repairs etc. That is just a fact. So, don't go on and on... just be matter of fact, calm, even upbeat if you can. That is the trick. Be clear what you need, then don't pressure or bring up R talk. And, again... when he shows up, look great, smell great, have the house looking and smelling great, be chipper, light, busy... That's how to do it. YOu are doing great!
How are you doing RW??? Well, I ended up not calling him and just telling him about it when he got here. He was not happy of course and slammed some things around but calmed down after we got to work. In the past, I would have started crying and not helped with the clean up process but I bit back the tears and put my boots on....a 180. We all helped with cleaning it up and then we all worked on getting wood split and stacked. S14 mentioned that the fire was about out when he got home last night and told H that he was home before I was and H seemed surprised. H talked for a few minutes and then headed out. No R talk at all!!! I really wanted to cry when he left but controlled myself! I think I need to look to my D11 for inspiration on detaching! She was sitting there with her eyes glued to the TV and H said "see ya later stinky (his pet name for her) and she didn't even look up from the TV...just said "bye T" (her pet name for H). S14 is having a much harder time that she is.
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