I was curious when I just saw your thread; I haven't been here much lately. I admit, I only read this last post of yours but I'm curious, why did you barrel past the following?
Quote:
And then she mentioned that she's been going to personal counselling for her issues and she wants me to come there, I asked why, she said it would be easier to tell me things in that environment.
Why not go in where she feels safe being honest with you if that is really what you want?
You do come off as sooo paternal and self-righteous. If I were her I'd want some hope of equanimity before I even considered moving further but I get where you're at. You have the upper hand and you know your bottom line.
I'm interested to see your response.
Hey AAK, thanks for dropping by. I possibly forgot to add a comment to that post when I made it, I did agree to go to a few of her sessions, I told her to give me some notice ahead of time so that I could schedule the time off work to make the appointments and she was pretty happy that I agreed. I agree with you AAK, I can sense that she needs that environment to open up and reveal the truth about what happened.
I'm not a totally insensitive brute, just 98.9% insensitive, the remaining amount of me is just uber sensitive ;-)
"..You do come off as sooo paternal and self-righteous."
I wasn't like this originally, in fact I was actually quite the opposite. I was the doormat, the wuss, the one who never rocked the boat, the person with low value, low self-esteem, never took care of himself, worried about everyone else hoping that someone would turn around and take care of me and then complained internally to myself "what about me?", I had no self-respect, I let people take advantage of me and use me even when I didn't like it, I still allowed it, I couldn't say NO and since I couldn't respect myself, how could others respect me?
So yeah, I went from one extreme to the other, I will add that I only experienced positive results in my situation when I did this though, I became opposite of who I was originally: instead of weak and ineffectual, I became strong, confident (sometimes arrogant) but I think sometimes you have to experience both extremes before you finally find that balance of where you really need to be. For what it's worth, it has served me well - I'm much happier with the person I am now vs. the person I was several years ago, this transformation was a requirement regardless of the outcome of my marital relationship.
And yes I can tell she's searching for hope with me, that she won't be hated forever and I won't hold it against her forever once she reveals these "secrets".
Hope that satisfied your curiousity on this.
Hey Rob. Yeah, in truth, that is what I figured was happening. I think you're awesome, honest, wise...right on the money for the most part.
I also think that you either walk away completely or work toward the balance you refer to. You've changed. You have nothing to prove. It doesn't even serve you anymore to wield the power you have with her, it's actually too easy now in a way...if that makes sense.
You are obviously aware that a healthy relationship would require a balance of power. I think you are cognizant enough to know if and when that's possible with your W.
