Pigskin, I think you should reply, "yes, bring the kids home." If you don't, then she got away with it. Her plan worked. And all she had to do was argue in the doorway with you about it. No biggee.
Greek
This. ^
You did 90% of the hard work (putting up the fight), Pig -- now CLOSE THE DEAL.
Pigskin, I think you should reply, "yes, bring the kids home." If you don't, then she got away with it. Her plan worked. And all she had to do was argue in the doorway with you about it. No biggee.
Greek
This. ^
You did 90% of the hard work (putting up the fight), Pig -- now CLOSE THE DEAL.
Puppy
She's already told the kids they were having a sleepover at the apartment. I don't really want them to feel like they are now in the middle of mommy and daddy's fight. They've been doing great and have been isolated from any arguments. I can imagine her saying something like "daddy didn't want you to sleep over".
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I decided to have her bring them back and told her we'll discuss it further tomorrow. Still pi$$ed that she would play around with the kids this way...
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I decided to have her bring them back and told her we'll discuss it further tomorrow. Still pi$$ed that she would play around with the kids this way...
Wife, I have decided that you will honor your agreement that the kids will remain in their home. Your decision to use them in this way (promised sleepover, last minute announcement) is incredibly disrespectful to me and to them and I will not brook it.
Wife, I have decided that you will honor your agreement that the kids will remain in their home. Your decision to use them in this way (promised sleepover, last minute announcement) is incredibly disrespectful to me and to them and I will not brook it.
SpinFree
"Brook"??
One can't "decide" what someone else will do or won't do. Boundary-laying is about deciding what YOU will (or will not) abide.
"Wife, I will not tolerate the children being used in this way. When you don't live up to what you agreed to do, and make me look like the bad guy for them not having their sleepover, you're harming them, and their relationship with me, and I know that's not what you want. We both only want what's best for them, and we need to get better at this. If you continue to do that, I will do what I need to do to protect them."
Wife, I have decided that you will honor your agreement that the kids will remain in their home. Your decision to use them in this way (promised sleepover, last minute announcement) is incredibly disrespectful to me and to them and I will not brook it. SpinFree
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
"Brook"?? One can't "decide" what someone else will do or won't do. Boundary-laying is about deciding what YOU will (or will not) abide. "Wife, I will not tolerate the children being used in this way. When you don't live up to what you agreed to do, and make me look like the bad guy for them not having their sleepover, you're harming them, and their relationship with me, and I know that's not what you want. We both only want what's best for them, and we need to get better at this. If you continue to do that, I will do what I need to do to protect them." Puppy
brook = abide put up with something or somebody unpleasant
I like yours better 8am vs Midnight. That's why you play in the majors.
I feel drawn to this sitch. Mom is deeply religious. Stepfather 2,3 was too. (She married him twice.) Seen God and the Church used to support so many evil things.
Stepfather 5 was a deeply religious man who mixed numerology with Christianity and understood little except the female mind. In the movie of my mom's life he will be played by a glowing ball of evil.
Anyway, this is all to say that while I don't claim to have seen it all, I've seen enough to see the modern Protestant church used as a blunt weapon in many forms. (often against the institution of marriage) I'm also not saying that faith and pastoral care haven't helped many many people. Just that the perversion of the church is particularly harmful.
Wow, I talk to much. Listen to Puppy. SpinFree
Last edited by SpinFree; 01/10/1003:51 PM. Reason: spelling
I went out last night as planned, W called to say their show was over and she was bringing the kids back home. Wanted me to come right back home so we could discuss the sleepover and allow it to happen. I refused, saying I was out like I had planned and we'd discuss it tomorrow.
W went into several other things over the phone, such as how she didn't know the extent of the boundary, how having OM pics in her phone, his number, links on facebook and other sites could be construed as "contact". She behaves like a 6 year old in regards to this stuff. If it wasn't spelled out like a legal contract, then she can say "you never told me that". Kind of like asking a child to pick up the socks on the floor then coming back and seeing other clothes strewn about. "Well you said pick up the socks, not the other stuff".
I asked her to consider what she would have felt if I had the exact same things with another woman back when we were early in our relationship. She said she wouldn't have liked it but she would understand how it meant a lot to me and how it takes time to get over this kind of thing. I can understand how an EA will induce withdrawal, and I'm trying to be sympathetic to that, but at the same time I can't allow the heroin to be anywhere near the junkie I'm trying to clean up.
W and kids slept in the house, we will discuss more today. I had a good time last night out with friends, not letting this spat bother me.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I feel drawn to this sitch. Mom is deeply religious. Stepfather 2,3 was too. (She married him twice.) Seen God and the Church used to support so many evil things.
Stepfather 5 was a deeply religious man who mixed numerology with Christianity and understood little except the female mind. In the movie of my mom's life he will be played by a glowing ball of evil.
Anyway, this is all to say that while I don't claim to have seen it all, I've seen enough to see the modern Protestant church used as a blunt weapon in many forms. (often against the institution of marriage) I'm also not saying that faith and pastoral care haven't helped many many people. Just that the perversion of the church is particularly harmful.
Wow, I talk to much. Listen to Puppy. SpinFree
The only concern I have is with some interpretations that God forgives sinners, which is true, but I don't think it means that if you can't help sinning it's OK, God understands and will forgive.
I really don't think any church would preach that, but I can see how some people will think, "I feel horrible for this, but God loves me and will forgive me for destroying my family because this OM is where my true happiness lies, and God wants us to be happy".
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
