Question

[awest1217]

Well...nothing major to report. H still has not talked to me since Monday. Nothing big. OW spent the night at his place last thursday, which when I found out, I took my wedding band off and have not worn it since. I am wearing a ring that is my step-sister's that has S's birth stone and mine so I think of it as my commitment to S. I don't know if H talked to his friend or not that I asked to talk to him. I hope that he did because he is messed up and needs to get his life and priorities back in order before his life is ruined.

I don't know about divorce. I don't have the money to divorce so that stops me, but I talked to my tax person, a long time family friend, and she said I am going to get a fat tax refund because we will file separately and since I am the one with S and the house I get to deduct all of it and H does not so I get all the cash. I am also struggling with the fact that to me it seems that D would be a reward to H. At work I deal a lot with rewards and punishments. Some students act up just because they want to get sent into the hall so when I realize it...I don't send them there. I feel like H is doing all of this because he wants a divorce, but won't go through with it so by me divorcing him, he is rewarded like my students who act up just to get out of class. Once again there is no contact at all so I don't really care and this time if he ever contacts me, I am ignoring him. I am not going to take his mail to him like I normally would have or anything. I know there are going to be bills coming that are his; car insurance and life insurance. Plus his tax papers. They will sit here at the house until he contacts me to get them. If they are late, not my problem.

I say all of this and I am a lot stronger, but I still really miss him and would love for this to work out, but he has so much wrong with him. He would have to do a lot of fixing before he comes home. I don't miss him as a husband, but more as my friend. He has been my best friend for 11 years so what really sucks about this is I have not only lost my husband, but my best friend.

Oh well, still feeling much better than before and when the hard waves come I just have to work through them and keep going. I just wish at some point S and I get what we want and H and OW get absolutely nothing. I don't wish harm, but seeing us succeed and them not getting anything would be nice.