WAW Using God

[pigskin]

If that was your boundary, Pig, then that is your boundary, and GOOD JOB on enforcing it!

Puppy

Thanks Puppy. Zero contact was a condition of me spending weekends at her apartment while she came back home to be with the kids. If she chooses not to honor that, I'm staying put.

[pigskin]

I could use some input on handling the enforcement of a boundary.

W still has some online connection to OM (like facebook) and his number in her cell phone. Probably has pictures as well. When she moved out, we agreed I would move out on weekends and let her spend time at the house with the kids under the condition that ALL OM contact ceased. We did this through December. I since discovered the links to OM but she said she is not willing to drop some aspects of the OM connection. I have told her then I will no longer be leaving on weekends.

Given that she still has OM connections, I would like to say she has to stay at her apartment permanently. She can visit the kids, but can't stay overnight. My problem is this: I can't force her out of the house. Since I have no leverage there, I am not even going to bring it up until I can come up with something.

Any suggestions? Making her sleep on the couch (again, not sure that can be enforced either if she refuses)? How have others handled this? I don't want to make any declarations that I can't enforce.

[Greek]

I could use some input on handling the enforcement of a boundary.

W still has some online connection to OM (like facebook) and his number in her cell phone. Probably has pictures as well. When she moved out, we agreed I would move out on weekends and let her spend time at the house with the kids under the condition that ALL OM contact ceased. We did this through December. I since discovered the links to OM but she said she is not willing to drop some aspects of the OM connection. I have told her then I will no longer be leaving on weekends.

Do what you said you were going to do.
Greek

[Greek]

My problem is this: I can't force her out of the house. Since I have no leverage there, I am not even going to bring it up until I can come up with something.

Any suggestions?

If you can't force her out of the house, don't let her in. She can take the kids out for the visit.
Greek

[pigskin]

Do what you said you were going to do.
Greek

Thanks for the reply, Greek. I did do that. I did not swap out with her this weekend. And she slept on the couch without me saying anything. So if that is the arrangement it is not optimal, but I can live with it for the kid's sake.

I'm still trying to come up with a way to address her staying in the house without it deteriorating into a relationship talk. I could try to "not let her in" as you suggested, but again I can't legally keep her from the home, so I'd prefer to not take a stand and then have her walk over it.

[pigskin]

Journaling:

Came across a journal book of my W's and inside was written a letter to the OM. Stating how she is sitting "writing this alone, and feeling sad, but being warmed by thoughts of you". How she doesn't know what the new year holds for them, and that she knows the decision rests with her, but she can't decide. (This from a woman who told ME a few weeks ago she was 90% done with our R). That somehow the decision is "bigger than her".

"So I am writing this to help you understand the depth of my feeling for you" and then goes on to write a page apiece about certain aspects of OM; smell, hair, compassion, etc. And says she is going to write about as many things she can think of.

What struck me was her mention of loving the smell of his hair after a shower. This from a woman who swears she never slept with him. There is no specific mention about anything intimate in the letter, so I don't want to assume anything, but not a pleasant thing to read.

Not sure what to make of this. It was written very recently and appears to be a work in progress. I'd like to think it was a final goodbye letter, but I'm not going to be naive. Not sure why she would write it. Maybe its just for her, not to be seen by anyone else. Who knows.

Another interesting development is that her engagement ring is gone from her jewelry box where she put it about 6 months ago. She's not wearing it though.

Despite this find, I am more irritated with a lack of progress on her part rather than feeling like I've been kicked in the gut. I'm dealing with an addiction, an illness. And I'm still standing for my marriage.

[pigskin]

Fuming right now. W was taking kids out to see a show tonight, which she had planned and I was fine with. Two seconds before she is out the door she tells me they are going to stay at the apartment with her and she'll bring them back in the morning.

They have never stayed over there, as part of our separation agreement was that there would be no disruption to the kids routine. She has a right to see and be with them, but telling me at the last second that she is going to have them overnight is total BS. She said she didn't want to deal with what she thought would be a conflict.

I would have had no issue with the whole thing if she had asked if it was OK ahead of time. Doing this in such an underhanded fashion has me completely pi$$ed.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So, what did you do about it?

Puppy

[pigskin]

So, what did you do about it?

Puppy

We argued and I told her it was BS the way she was going about it. She apologized and I told her to go.

She later sent me a text saying that I was right and she handled the situation poorly, and will bring the kids home if that's what I want.

I haven't responded and don't think I am going to.

[Greek]

Pigskin, I think you should reply, "yes, bring the kids home." If you don't, then she got away with it. Her plan worked. And all she had to do was argue in the doorway with you about it. No biggee.

Greek