LHS, I can tell you right now that Rob's way as it stands will not be effective with your wife because of the abuse issues. Your wife does not fit into the typical category. You will need to tweak Rob's words to make them fit better.
I tend to agree with Gnosis in your particular situation. Both her childhood abuse, and your history of controlling and demeaning behavior towards her suggest a modification of that approach.
You might want to look at the old posts of smartcookie:
Smartcookie was severely abused as a child and her H was controlling and emotionally abusive. She became involved in a cyber-affair. For nearly a year, it looked like they would make it, but then her H reverted to his old ways and they are now divorced. Her posts might give you some valuable insight.
