You all are right about distancing. When I have cut off and stopped pursuing her she has ignored him and chased me. She has told me that she wants to be pursued.
What do you think? I am a little slow and may require a few hundred 2X4's to get in shape.
I don't know, maybe you are slow, you found that you got a positive response by distancing yourself, limiting contact with your wife, etc. and then she pursued you but you ignored this response and continued to pursue her? Because she told you she wants to be pursued?
Regardless of what she says, I'll let you in on a little secret, she enjoys the pursuit, she's pursuing the OM and when you cut off contact with her, she pursues you: you have 2 examples of her wanting to pursue a man regardless of what she tells you. She gets bored of you pursuing her because she knows you want her, she can have you at anytime, but it's good for her ego to have 2 men at the same time, think about it, you mentioned she has low self-esteem, well it's currently getting a decent boost by having the attention of 2 men.
Remove yourself from this situation, regardless if you want to date other women or not, just limit contact with her, tell her she can have the OM but you're not going to be part of an open relationship with her and the OM from now on, you have too much dignity & self-respect to allow that to be part of your life. As for the kids, tell her if she wants to see the OM that's her choice but she isn't bringing the kids to see him anymore, that's your decision, you won't have them exposed to her crazy behavior and that environment with a stranger (OM) - that's just horrible for the kids to be exposed to that.
