Don't know where to post this.

[Gnosis]

LHS, I can tell you right now that Rob's way as it stands will not be effective with your wife because of the abuse issues. Your wife does not fit into the typical category. You will need to tweak Rob's words to make them fit better.

Your wife DOES have issues, SERIOUS ones. She needs to see an IC who specializes in, and has had success with abuse victims, so choose carefully. NOTE: This will be for HER, not you.

The OM's appearance does not matter because your W's primary LL is "Words of Affirmation." If I'm not mistaken she will also suffer from issues of rejection and abandonment. This is going to be a delicate balance for you. "Going dark" is will trigger one, and as you found out, the "jealousy button" triggered another.

Can you tell us if what, if any, counseling she has had in for dealing with her past?

One final word of caution for you: DO NOT REACT OR ACT ON IMPULSE! Take your time and PLAN your approach. It has been going on since November. A few more days will not make a difference.