It's Complicated

[RedHeadWife]

Saw that movie last night. It was hilarious. Until the end . . . then it was sad & depressing & left me feeling out of sorts.

Ok, let me see if I can put into words what is bothering me:

Last night I went to that movie w/ 2 women that my H works w/. They told me the following story that they thought was very funny: The girls were all looking through some magazine w/ expensive houses, etc. in it. Oohing & ahing over all the beautiful cabinets, etc. Well, H comes over & on the back cover was an ad for some TV show w/ a naked woman w/ her arms crossed over her breasts & H says "I want THAT." Now I guess he has this ad on his desk at work.

This really bothers me for some reason, although I'm using the 48 hour rule before I bring it up b/c then there is a part of me that is thinking "this is really no big deal." H is here & acts like he is still attracted to me all the time, etc.

So, am I making a bigger deal about this in my head? Is this really silly? It just bothers me that he would even say he wanted something or someone other than me even if it is just a TV ad woman.

[chatterbug]

Hi RHW.

Did you start on those 3 goals ??

Ok, so that's goal (1) down and I can make it happen immediately starting tonight.

Goal (2) is to get my rear back in the gym on Monday. I already have a membership and had been in a routine until late October when H and I actually went on a cruise and a million excuses have kept me from going back since.

Goal (3) I believe is to get my self-esteem issue faced head-on, which hopefully will be helped when I start working on myself physically again.


Since you think he is checking out again I would recommend the 48 hour rule. And it is a big deal if you feel it is. And you should discuss this with him.

[RedHeadWife]

Yep, goals 1 & 2 are in progress . . . goal 3 will hopefully come along soon.

What ended up happening was I was standing there & put my arms across my breasts & said "maybe you should take a picture of ME like this to put on your desk" he immediately turned red & was embarrassed and said something like "it wasn't like that" and I impersonated him by saying "I want THAT" and pointing at an imaginary magazine. He said "I don't have it on my desk, it wasn't like that."

I guess end result is that he knows I know about it & that it bothered me. He reacted like he was embarrassed about the whole thing & said it wasn't a big deal.

Thanks for talking to me, Cutter. Need some guidance.

[chatterbug]

Is there anyone who posts on here that knows your stitch. I do not. And its hard to offer advice not knowing the story. It would take awhile to catch up... If you could point me to which thread I should read to understand let me know.

Or give a summary....

I am sure the ladies and P will join in as well.

[RedHeadWife]

It's been 3 years now I think since I got the typical "I'm not in love w/ you anymore" bomb. H was about to be deployed to Korea for a year. This happened in January and all the typical stuff happened until he woke up one day in April and decided to stay. When asked what made him make that decision, all I ever got was "I realized I truly loved you."

I made a trip to Korea and it was wonderful. He came home, everything has been fine, but lately I just started to feel like I was losing him again. That was when I posted that other thread.

I did talk to him about it and what he said was that he can tell when I'm "searching" him b/c I'm having doubts and that just makes him lock up b/c "you know how your H is about emotional stuff." Anyway, things have been ok since then. I just think I need to work on me more and my confidence.

It was pretty much smashed from the time 5 yrs ago H admitted to having cheated on me. Once while he was deployed for 6 mnths and then once when he was deployed for a short time in FL.

Then, of course, there was an EA going on during the whole D sitch.

I think that's about it in a nutshell.

Thanks, Cutter