Hello Lola, thank you for the post.I love him more than I'm willing to admit. If he would have told me the diagnosis was correct I would have done things very differently. I would have seeked help on how to deal with a bipolar spouse. He's not a spender so financially he hasn't affected us.
I want to give him space, but I fear he won't come back. I can feel he still loves me. But when he yells and screams at me I begin to wonder if it's just my imagination. I am not sure if he's pushing me away right now because he knows he's going through a low stage. Or if he really stopped loving me and I was just a happy fase in his life.I miss him so much.
I would love to be able to speak to him without him insulting me or screaming at me. I would give him space and he could live somewhere else until he's ready to come home. But when he says it's over it hurts.
He told me several times that he's not comfortable in his own body. When he was a child he thought he was going to die at age 18, but when he didn't, he was confused. He had planned out his life until age 18 and didn't know what to do there after. He told me that when I get mad, even if it's not at him. He wants to stand in front of a bus and just end the pain. Set me free and set himself free. I would hold him and tell him I couldn't live without him.
I feel like I'm in way over my head. If he's had negative feelings since a child I don't stand a chance against it. He won't get on meds and denied anything to be wrong with him. I told him people don't generally have those feelings unless they're suffering from depression or some other type of mental illness. He just stayed quiet.
As much as I try, I can't understand the amount of anger he's feeling towards me. He acts like I'm his worst enemy and like I'm pure evil. He says he doesn't hate me but just can't stand to be around me. I'm so sad and confussed.
