Came across a journal book of my W's and inside was written a letter to the OM. Stating how she is sitting "writing this alone, and feeling sad, but being warmed by thoughts of you". How she doesn't know what the new year holds for them, and that she knows the decision rests with her, but she can't decide. (This from a woman who told ME a few weeks ago she was 90% done with our R). That somehow the decision is "bigger than her".
"So I am writing this to help you understand the depth of my feeling for you" and then goes on to write a page apiece about certain aspects of OM; smell, hair, compassion, etc. And says she is going to write about as many things she can think of.
What struck me was her mention of loving the smell of his hair after a shower. This from a woman who swears she never slept with him. There is no specific mention about anything intimate in the letter, so I don't want to assume anything, but not a pleasant thing to read.
Not sure what to make of this. It was written very recently and appears to be a work in progress. I'd like to think it was a final goodbye letter, but I'm not going to be naive. Not sure why she would write it. Maybe its just for her, not to be seen by anyone else. Who knows.
Another interesting development is that her engagement ring is gone from her jewelry box where she put it about 6 months ago. She's not wearing it though.
Despite this find, I am more irritated with a lack of progress on her part rather than feeling like I've been kicked in the gut. I'm dealing with an addiction, an illness. And I'm still standing for my marriage.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
