In re: DISENGAGE, I think I tend to come off bitchy. I know I give this look.... you know, the raised eyebrows look that just says... "Really? Are you really acting like this? Are you really going here?" Not sure if THE LOOK is a replacement for some words that need to be said.
Bottom line... I liked how I felt after.
And, I guess that's what matters! In the past I would have pouted, or cried a bit, etc... NO BOO HOO ON ME! BOO HOO ON HIM!
Uh, Oh, I think I'm starting to ROAR.
Upcoming talk? I guess I'd better get rid of the new ROAR first. (AND BUY SOME NEW SASSY SHOES! LoL) I'm nervous about it, but I think, if delivered correctly, he'll probably not give it much lip service, but he will respond to my request positively. We had an issue about a year ago, and (this isn't typical me) I GOT PISSED. I told him you will NOT do this. He hasn't.
Last edited by mindfull; 01/09/1008:18 PM. Reason: Added in shoes comment for spice!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
and you can tell he has a slight edge in his voice.
That there was your red flag. You should have found something to get busy with at this point.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Well, he starts in on a topic, and is getting edgier, and I answer him, and give him a semi-sarcastic, "Geez!"
- 10 points for your response. M, what were you trying to do? I can imagine that felt good to do, but do you realize what you did right there? You poked the five-headed resentment monster that we've been trying to put to sleep with all your hard work.
Here are the results:
Originally Posted By: mindfull
blasts me for the GEEZ. <snip> I don't need to come home to THIS. Enough of your GEEZ. One more GEEZ and I'm turning around and leaving."
Mission accomplished? How? By stirring up all the resentment within him?
Don't make up excuses with the LOL... remember how we say any contact with OW resets the clock to zero? The same applies with pushing his buttons. In his mind you have taken a major step backwards and he restarts to justify why he doesn't love you anymore.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
I just reply... "It must have been bad for you to be like this! I'll talk to you later!"
This should have been your response from before the conversation started getting edgy.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
I go about my business, and he comes out of the shower. I act like the idiocy never happened. And, he's fine.
Why? Why? Why? This was a PERFECT opportunity for you to lay down a boundary. You should have called him out on his behavior and apologized for yours.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
I've now decided that I'm not take any of this personal. He, CLEARLY does this when he is dog tired from work.
Well... you knew this beforehand. You told us he gets cranky at this time of the year. So I'm placing the blame on you for this one because YOU KNOW BETTER.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Other days, I would have been reduced to tears.
This is your saving grace today. It shows some improvement on you.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
You wanna be a freak!? Do it on your own, and come find ME when you need me because I'm not stickin' around to listen to it.
... you could have avoided all this tongue-in-cheek resentment that you have stirred up in your own mind.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Is that bitchy, db smart, or just plain psycho?
None of the above. I'll go with memory loss and dropping the ball.
Sorry, M, while it was humorous reading it... I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the error of your ways. For laying down your boundary tomorrow or Monday, make sure he's in a receptive frame of mind for it. Finding the correct timing has now more become more important.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
You know your shoes are where your inner bitch comes out to play, right?
As for The Look...I like it. I think we all have our version of it.
All this talk about shoes, purses, clothes. I really think that the LBWives must be looking pretty damned hot these days. Could this be a reality show? The Real Left Behind Housewives? Who is the best DBuster? Who has the messiest closet? Whose H is the biggest loser? Who has the best shoes? Who has the best sob story? I may be onto something...
I've now decided that I'm not take any of this personal. He, CLEARLY does this when he is dog tired from work. Other days, I would have been reduced to tears.
NOPE! You wanna be a freak!? Do it on your own, and come find ME when you need me because I'm not stickin' around to listen to it.
Is that bitchy, db smart, or just plain psycho?[/quote]
and I thought my H was bad - hugs! mind you are doing awesome!
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
G, what I neglected to include was... I did try to exit the bathroom when I heard the edge. He said a few times, as I was trying to leave... thought a topic was done... "You still here? I thought we were talking? Come back here."
So, the red flag was up. And, my five-headed resentment monster rose to the occasion. (YEP) I, honestly, didn't think he would react though, because, we banter. Any other time, the GEEZ would have been countered w/something playful.
I can't second guess every possible interaction w/us.
You said I know better. (YEP) Well, so does he. And, I don't have a DICK gauge to use every time I am going to have an interaction w/him.
We goof off, we banter. That's what we do. He was tired, and edgy, and I bantered. Out came the Dick. (Too bad he doesn't use it for good!)
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
