Hello everyone, I am new to the site and reading the forums has helped me not feel so alone. Excuse me if I ramble. I'm just going through a lot right now.
I have been with my spouse for just a year and I feel it's been a roller coaster ride. To start off his mother informed me he is bipolar and has extreme highs and lows, he doesn't take his medication because he says he was wrongfuly diagnosed.
We moved into our house in June, I left my apartment and my family back home and moved in to a new city, new job, new school for my kids (not his), and new child care. It was very difficult for me since I would need to drive for 3 hours daily from and to work (including dropping off and picking up the kids). Also I didn't know anyone in the city and didnt't know anyone that could babysit my kids. It was scary and very frustrating for me since I had to work and at the same time look for child care and a school. He complained I was never home enough and that I preffered money over family. I told him I would look for a job closer to home but he didn't like it.
The fights continued over anything. I felt like I couldn't be upset because then he would get upset or take it personal. He would get angry that I would fall a sleep in the couch after the long drive from and to work. He complained I wasn't keeping the house clean enough because I was never home. He told me our agreement was that I would take care of everything in the house. I told him it was so hard because I would get home late and tired. I needed to feed the kids, do homework with the kids, do my school work (Im in school), and spend time with him.
My daily schedule was to wake up at five and get myself and the kids ready to leave the house at seven. Get to work at 8:30 and leave work at 5:00. By the time I would get home it was nearly 7 and I was exahusted. I cooked, spent time with the kids, watched a show and spent time with him. By the time I would go to sleep it was 1:00AM. I had only about 5 to 4 hours of sleep. He fought with me until I decided to quit my job.
When he gets upset he remembers everything I've done that makes him upset. He mentions things that happened 6 months ago and acts like they are the biggest issues imaginable. I was married before so I don't put a lot of effort into small things because I know those little fights happen in a marriage. He will mention I didn't call Terminix when he said I needed to call them. I feel it's a control issue.
He gets mad that the kids father is still envolved in their lives. He's not perfect, but I have no right to keep him from his kids because my new spouse doesn't like him. It seems like he wanted a picture perfect relationship and that's hard given the circumstances. I explained we were going through an adjustment stage. He hadn't lived with a woman that had kids and I hadn't lived with another man since my divorce. I told him we would get through it but we haven't.
He told me on new years 2010 I couldn't go back home with the kids (I visited my brother). He said I had to stay with my brother and ask for his help. I was devistated. My kids are still in school and they loved their school. I told him it would be hard for me to find a place since I had quit my job. I reminded him that he was the one who would constantly fight that I needed to quit. He said it wasn't his problem.
He said I'm unpreditable. That he can't stand being around me and that I make him nervous. He says I'm mean and I hurt him. I'm confussed since I've done nothing more than try to please him, even to the point of quitting my job. He curses and screams to me over the phone. I don't deserve that treatment after all that I've sacrafized for us. He says he needs space, he mentioned six months. I do't know if it's his untreated bipolar diagnosis that is making him feel so angry towards me.
He doesn't have anyone else here. All of his family is in another state. He has the tendancy of running away from everyone. He's moved a total of 7 times since 2006. He screams at his mom and is highly critical of everyone around him. I often told him to accept people for who they are and to stop critisizing them. I know he's highly critical of me too. I love him deeply and when we talk he blames me for everything. He has everything negative in a list on his head but nothing positive. He says he's been miserable since he moved in. He said he felt unhappy after I didn't call Terminix. That was back in June when we had just moved in to the house.
I love him but sometimes I feel so tired of this situation. It's been a short ride and he's already given up on us so quickly. I don't feel appreciated for what I've sacrafized. To me our relationship was important and meant a lot to me.
He told me he had been engaged before and that he had left. She suffered from depression and other mental illnesses. He said she would cut herself and he couldn't take it. He left her and had to be in an institution for a couple of months after the breakup. He tells me I have anger problems and he can't handle me. He said he needs to be in control of everything and I haven't let him be in control.
I often felt like I was walking on egg shells. If I say something wrong or I show stress or discontent it will trigger a fight. To the point that just asking him how long he needed to be alone to finish his homework caused a fight.He said he gave me all of the love, money, time, and patience he had. That he has nothing more to offer me. We've just been together for a year and he acts like we're suppost to be in a great stage after such quick step we took. I'm not perfect, I know I'm inpatient and strong attituted. But I don't curse at him or call him names like he does to me. Even if I'm mad I don't.
He said he wants space and he doesn't want me to call him for the next 6 months. He tells me I have no patiens with him and that I don't give him the space he needs. He says that I have the mentality that if it's not now it's not ever. But to me if we need a 6 month break from a 6 month marriage than is there any hope? Did he just want to be with me so that I could clean the house? Did he ask me to quit my job just to have control? Is that even called love? I'm so confused. How can someone be so negative and angry.
