It's nice to know that anxiety over the future isn't just something I'm going through. When we got back together, the deal was supposed to be that for one month we wouldn't talk about divorce - we would just be the best we could (live in the present?).
My hardest struggle has been that, according to our M counsellor, my W and I haven't really ever connected that well. Too many problems. For all of the marriage, I've been questioning whether I should stay M, but I've always tried to act committed as I could. For the last 4 years, she has been talking about leaving when the kids grow up. Once, she called a friend to arrange a townhouse in another city. I got past most of that, but in Oct, she said she'd leave, I asked her (soberly) if she wanted a divorce, she said yes, and we were off ...
Now, I feel like I had been sticking around through it all - committed to her and her many good qualities and my kids, despite all the fights. So when the divorce began, I felt relieved. I was still trying to make things work for a month and a half, but after that I was so ready to go that I'm having problems moving back instead of moving on.
Still, you're right - if I'm happy, why worry about what could be if I leave? I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I'm happy 'enough'.
