Don't know where to post this.

[loveherstill]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I was not there for my wife emotionally and after building her self esteem 13 years ago I tore it down over the last three years. She is a beautiful woman but I felt bad about myself so I commented on her weight. Finally one day I said "looks like you are getting fat". This was the straw that broke the camels back and about two weeks later she asked for divorce. Three weeks later she had a ONS and two weeks after that another ONS. On November 7th she met the current other man and is still involved with him.

I understand my faults and am working on them, I have DB book and DR book, Love languages book, Lee Baucom and a few others.

She has acknowledged positive changes for the sake of our 3 children (S12, S4, S2).

I caught her on November 11th, 2009 and moved out November 19th. If I did not move she was set to take the children to a unfamiliar and unsafe environment.

For the first week we did not get along. After that we started dating some and being sexually intimate again.

On December 1st she dumped the other man and on December 2nd she thought that I had a date (went to see my brother) and she begged the OM to take her back. She did not see him again until Dec 18th although she had other opportunities she called me instead and we were spending every to every other night together.

Over christmas she spent 4 days with me and left her phone off the whole time. We ML a few times and went to my mom's. She left the phone at the house. He came to the house to visit her on Monday because she chose to spend NYE with me instead of him. I messed up and blamed her for inviting him to house (she did not and told him to leave, they were fighting about me). I also confronted him and let him know that it would be a mistake to come back to the house again (mutually agreed ground rule no op in marriage house while still married). Wonder of wonders she showed respect with that ground rule.

Confrontation was a set back. She went to see him and got her fix on Dec 30th and then went with me Dec 31st.

Went to see him the night of Jan 1st and told him she is not worth the trouble. Came back and told son 12 that she wanted to break it off with om but had to do it slow.

She is worried that I will never take her back and that I am moving on with a female friend that I had years ago. This woman is a friend and has been for 15 years but the wife has been jealous. I have been faithful to my wife but she thinks I had an EA.

Wife signed up for facebook. I found out and signed up too. Asked her to friend me, she did and saw the woman that threatened her had added me too and flipped out. She ran to om's arms and took S2 and S4 with her (S12 was with me). She spent about 36 hours with om.

Last night she did not want to work on M and she sent a email to the woman who she feels threatened by.

Today she is bringing me all the kids, shaving cream, talking nice, wanting to hang out for a while and wanting to cuddle for a while. Then at about 8:00 pm off to see om.

When she sees him she acts guilty and depressed for a few days after. She says that she does not care for him and no ILY have been exchanged. Says that I am better looking, better provider, better endowed and better in bed. But I tore down her self esteem and she wants someone to tell her she is beautiful and I won't do. Our marriage counsellor tells me that the sex is not what she is looking for out of him but instead is a consequence of the flirting that she wants. In short she puts out so he will keep telling her what she wants to hear.

I have had the bakery open and part of the time it worked. I just want some advice.