'' I had an awakening this morning"

[TrentC]

When we got to the house to pick up the car I commenting about the nice house this guy had. He was saying how he just built this dream house for his W. He came home from hunting trip back in Sept and everything was gone. His W had been seeing someone for 9 months.

The interesting thing is that my W had no reaction at all. Usually she would of made some kind of comment. It made me wonder if she was feeling guilty about something.

Or maybe she realized you were trying to goad her into saying something that you could pounce on.

I'm amazed at people who ask things like "How will she know how I feel?" or "How will he realize I have changed?" and then turn around and analyze every word, gesture, and action their spouses make. Don't you think your spouses are doing the same thing?

When you told that cute little story about how the guy who built the house's wife left him for another man, don't you think she was thinking something like "Why is he telling me this story? Does he know that OM has been at the house? Does he think I'm seeing someone else? Does he KNOW I'm seeing someone else?"

You have a third-hand report from someone you don't even know that your wife was doing something with OM at a casino on New Year's Eve. You don't even have a reliable description! So what do you do? You immediately call her up and accuse her of cheating on you. What do you think happened in her mind?

If she is cheating on you, she's thinking "Oh crap, he's on to me. But it sounds like he's not even sure what happened, so I'll blow him off, tell him he's imagining things, and have to be more careful where I go with OM."

If she is not cheating on you, she's thinking "Why is he telling me this? It doesn't even sound like he's sure of what he's been told. Why does he assume I'm cheating on him? Doesn't he trust me?"

You find a perfectly innocent note taped to the garbage from your wife to OM. So what do you do? You call your daughter and start grilling her! You don't think that puts your daughter in an awkward position? Maybe she feels like she has to protect mom. Maybe she doesn't know what's really going on between her mom and OM. Maybe she thinks you're acting like a creepy jealous guy and not at all like her dad. And you obviously don't like what she has to say or believe her, because you text your wife and start grilling her. But you don't believe her -- "thats what they all say" -- so why did you talk to EITHER OF THEM?

What ever happened to wedding vows: till death do us part, in sickness and in health. There should be some law that the person that breaks that committment should be penalized.

Why do you want to save your marriage, when you have so much resentment built up and suspect your wife's motives for everything? Do you think this attitude is in any way attractive to her, or making her reconsider either the affair or the decision to file?

Do you think that if she turns around and says "I want to reconcile with you, OM meant nothing to me, I've told him I don't want to talk to him any more", that you'll just be able to turn this negative attitude towards her off like a light switch?

You'll go through weeks, if not months, of continuing to suspect her and her motives. She will pick up on this, and if it goes on long enough, may make her think "Why am I bothering? He'll never trust me again no matter what I say or do."