Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[TrentC]

The reason I say that is, she views me as weak again. She sees me like I will ALWAYS be there for her. I'm unattractive to her because I cried right along with her.

Did she react as if she was turned off by your tears at the time? Or was a genuine shared moment of pain?

I'm not discounting what she's said and done since then, but you really don't know WHY she flip-flopped. Maybe OM talked her into it.

I ACCEPTED her, even though I KNEW she cheated on me.

Look, you can't turn back the clock. If things were different -- if she hadn't flipped back into psycho mode, and was still talking about working things out -- you would still have to accept her back knowing that she likely slept with other men.

I SHOULD have stood up to her, and refused to sleep with her.

I might not have agreed at the time, With what we now know about sexual relations affecting the opinion of the court, I would now.

I SHOULD not have allowed her to deny the things she did. I SHOULD have held her accountable for her actions.

I've lost track -- did you tell her about the PI?

I'm not sure what I want right now, but even if I did want my W back, I really hurt any shot at we had at reconciliation with my actions.

Not necessarily. She has to own her actions and reactions, too.

Maybe she came to you crying crocodile tears and slept with you to mess with your head.

Maybe she was genuinely hurting and honest with you, but once you got back on that plane, her resentment of you leaving her -- even though that's your job, and she knows it! -- flared up again. OM probably helped with that; dirtbags like that will always act to try to keep that gravy train coming their way, at least until they're done with them.

One thing is true: you can't go for 6 months, or however long before you're stateside again, in an emotional tailspin. If for no other reason then you're endangering your life and the lives of men and women who count on you to have your head screwed on straight.

There is nothing you can do about your relationship right now. If she emails to vent to you, ignore them. You should be able to set up a mail rule or script in whatever program you're using to forward all of her emails into a folder and mark them as read.