I don't know your W's personality, so it's hard to say. But, I think that is why it's important that you take the reigns and not sit and wait to see what she's going to do or say. You just need to know where you stand and what your boundaries will be. Do you know?
First.....do not talk about the R. What's the point? It doesn't work. The plan should be to state your boundaries as the need arises. You don't hit her with them as soon as she comes in the door and give her the list. But, if she stays out all night, then she needs to come home to locked door and lights out everywhere. Then the next day, you tell her that you believe staying out that late (or going wherever she went) is inappropriate and disprespectful. Tell her if she's been out past a certain time, then she can find some other place to spend the night.
That is just an example of a boundary. Another one would be about cell phone texting, computers, etc. But you take it as it comes.
Okay......what I meant by her coming home to discover she had a WAH. How would she react to that? I'm not saying for you to leave the marital home. But if she thought you were being unavailable to her and making yourself available at other times....in other places.....hummmmm. If you were getting phone calls that you had to take in the next room, and she'd hear you laugh and talking softly......hummmmm. If she were talking and you grabbed your cell and said, "Oh, excuse me, but I have to take this", and then leave out so she couldn't hear you talk.....hummmmm. Or, if you were TM while watching TV in front of her.......hummmmm.
I know, it sounds like playing games, doesn't it? Some say it is even malnipulative. Do what works! Do you want your M back? Do what works.
She needs to suffer loss and shock or she'll not come out of the fog to see you. As long as you dance to her tune, she gets to keep her cake and eat it too.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
