KJ- First of all, I am really amazed by you. You are going through so much, and yet you have the consideration to send me positive vibes and helpful messages. Your strength of character and overall goodness as a human being shine through.
I am definitely not one to give advice, but the one thing that I have learned over these last few months is sending out a text message that says, "what's up" or really anything that is a question that demands a response is setting yourself up for disappointment, anxiety, and checking your phone every 30 seconds to see if the skinnerian experimental pellet will come down the shoot..yay, happy pigeon again!
I take my phone and I put it in a drawer. I know that if I turn it off my wife knows it is off. this triggers old feelings of abandonement, I think, and reinforces her feelings that I live in my own world and don't care about her.. yet for my own sanity I have to do it. so I leave it on and turn off the sound. then I try to go an hour without looking at it.
I love the fact that he sent you that message wondering if you were still talking... it sounds like in your case going dark really might help... I don't know. again I"m reluctant to give any advice but I do know that the "what's up" text is a set up for misery... plus, if they feel like you "want" something from them then it may push them farther away.
maybe its like when you take two magnets and try to push them together when there is opposite polarity. doesn't work. but if you take another magnet, switch it around (180) and just let it sit there it will attract the other magnet to it...
I'll be thinking of you today and hope your day goes well.
