Another Sad Deployed Soldier/Dad

[patpat]

Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? That's when you believe something will happen. You act as if that thing will happen, and lo and behold, it happens! Divorce can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. if you are depressed because you think your relationship is faltering, then that makes the relationship worse, and from there things can continue to get worse until they lead to the inevitable conclusion.

That's why Michele W. Davis says you should "act as if". Act as if everything is good. You are happy. Life is good. Because positive things happen to people who think positively. Want her to be more loving? Act as if you are in a very loving relationship, your positive energy can bring forth good things.

AS - I have never posted on your thread before, just wanted to say "Thank you for your service" much appreciated. Sorry to see you here, but this is a great place to vent and recieve advice.

Lotus is right. Do not lead you R into the direction your mind is thinking. Negative thinking - mind reading is IMO, is you leading yourself on a path of self destruction mentally.

You need to find a way to remain strong. Strong so that you do not mess up "over there" and cost your kids their father.

All I can add about your sitch is this... your W misses you. She too is confused and lost. You are away right now and that makes things harder.

I believe you need to act like you are in a more loving R. This IMO will have an affect of W. Positive energy can have a good effect on W. You will become the person she will think about most because you will confuse her thought process. She will try to figure you out and that puts you in control of your sitch. You CAN lead the outcome.

As for going home... do not worry about the time you do not have... concentrate of the time you do have. Make the most of it. Leave W and family talking about how great it was to have you there, how much fun Dad is, and when you leave, they will have that to think about. This could be a great thing for you.

AS, I am a former soldier (11B 2/27th Inf Bat. Ft Ord; late 80's early 90's; Med Discharge after Dessert Sheild '91) as well. I know how you feel. Especially the feelings of hopelessness... when you are so far away and can not just go home to take care of the things, we as men, feel we must.

Do not worry about what W is doing. She is who she is and she is going to do what she is going to do. You can not control her actions. You can, however, influence her in ways that may lead her back to you... that is why you MUST take care of yourself. Be upbeat, polite, positive and loving.

Act as if.... and wait for the results... it is tough, to be sure... but do-able. As a soldier, you know that a tough fight sometimes last a long time. You have to gain knowledge about the sitch, and attack it where you will have the most effect. Look at the end result you wish to attain, plan you steps to head in that direction. Use the advice that you have recieved here on the board... put it to work for you.

Your are fighting 2 battles right now. 1 for me and I thank you, and 1 for your family and I pray for you.

Do not let your mind wonder aimlessly. Take control of the negative thoughts. Design your battle plan and attack. You can do it, and you will be sucessful regardless of the outcome.

I will continue to pray for you... I will check in from time to time.

God Bless you SD, and once again, Thank you for what you do to continually provide for my freedoms and others...