Trying to move on

[mishka422]

I'm thinking you missed the point there.

I didn't say don't move on in the future, don't have another R. I said don't do that while you are still resolving your R with your w. That isn't fair to yourself or the person you date.

Of course you'll always have feelings for your w. You would be heartless if you didn't. You said you still have feelings for your first girlfriend. Are they of a romantic nature or are they fond memories that create happy feelings? That's the difference. If you are still having strong romantic feelings for your first gf and eventually M'd your wife with those feelings still rolling in your head, that wasn't fair to your w. Do you see where I was headed with that? No one expects you to put your feelings away, they are always with you. The type of feelings though should change with time and distance. When they do, then you are ready to date.

I'll tell you, Gabe's been gone over 2 years now. I now look back and see all the years that we weren't in sync. I see how we co-existed and lived as if that were enough because neither one of us could communicate what we truly needed. Even knowing all of that, I still love Gabe. A part of my heart will always be his, but that doesn't mean that I could ever been involved with him again. I know that. If a man came along that wanted to ask me out, I would go. The awareness I have now has made me strong and made me know what I need in a R. There are no romantic feelings left toward Gabe though, only loving memories.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself very well, but I hope it's clear. Do what will make you feel like you are taking control in your life, but not at the possible expense of someone else's feelings or further damage to your own. That would be no better than what our WAS's did.