I think she was trying to figure out why her husband was still interested in being M to her. Trying to see if the things he was doing were being directed by this forum using these "tactics".
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
I think you are missing what some of us are trying to say.
Even if divorce is your choice you are welcome here. Maybe you can give us insight and we can give you insight. Being a WAS IS NOT WRONG or a sin. Being a LBS is not wrong or a sin.
As to the point I made earlier if you are wanting basic insight as to what a LBS goes through this *is* a good resource (even if our goal is not divorce) because the majority of posters here *are* LBS. It just seems you don't like what the LBS are telling you and that is cool but it doesn't mean we are lying or trying to manipulate. We are just telling you what *we* did to cope and grow through a very painful experience.
Think of the very basic functions of past civilizations ( and I do believe this meets your request of a general discussion). From an anthropological standpoint even cavemen figured out survival first, betterment second. Hundreds of decades later not much has changed. We need to survive first, better our lives second. We all have different time lines for that.
RobX might have a timeline of 10 years and yours might be 10 minutes. Who is more right? It is very individual.
If you really have no idea how to find a good therapist for your children why not ask their pediatrician for rec's. Or their school counselor. I don't have children myself but maybe those would be good places to start.
You can still get support here as the WAS who sees divorce as their only option. You will just have to accept if you post a thought it might be challenged. Not to ridicule you and make you feel bad but we All challenge each other. It is not WAS vs. LBS around here. It is people from all walks of life that are in a very painful place.
My last thought before cupcakes and wine start....
If you read through the threads for a bit you can sort of "follow" posters that can help you most. Be it with support or inspiration or the sharing of experiences.
Sadly I do have way too much experience in the legal sense. The battle my H and I had in a legal sense lasted close to 2 years and was nothing short of horrible. I am happy to share any insight I have and ALL the mistakes *I* made if it will assist a poster who is experiencing the same thing.
I have SLE. When a poster comes here and says there is a chronic illness present in a marriage I *get* how straining that can be for all involved so maybe I can toss some support or info that will help. Or maybe not.
You should look for posts by Soleil (sp?) as she is also a WAS and maybe she can offer you a different kind of support.
Every single member here has something to offer that is so very valuable and special. You certainly could be part of that but it's hard to communicate with you when all you seem to want to do is call us liars and rant and rave about how stupid we all are.
Hey, *I* might be the stupid one, lol! But I will keep trying. You should try too.
KS, this board has a forum called "Surviving the Big D" ... and the people here (ironically including me...) would be willing to help you with:
Quote:
Therapy for my children Financial suggestions for equitable marital property distribution Child support and custodial questions Online support for spouses who have been cheated on (but don't want to reconcile the marriage)
For someone who is so resolute in her decision, she sure seems to have a lot of anger to express about it.
Anger at her husband's betrayal.
Anger at his deception.
Anger at being "deceived" by this site (even though the balance of the comments were supporting her decision to get divorced, even if we were challenging her thinking on why she was doing so).
Anger that she couldn't steer the course of the conversation exactly the way she wanted.
Anger that she can't get us poor rubes to realize that we should give up trying to save our marriages.
And she still won't answer questions as to why her husband may have drifted away from her. She still can't answer why he might have sought comfort in the arms (or bed) of another woman.
Maybe it's because she isn't ready to face the role she played in the collapse of her marriage. It is true that people in happy, healthy marriages can cheat, but more often than not they're looking for something they're not getting at home.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
We are nothing but brutally honest about our fears and pain on this site. I don't see the lies. If faking it til you make it or acting as if helps some LBS in the early throes of angony and anguish get through the night, so be it.
I see raw honesty and anguish on many of these pages. I see survival techniques kicking in for people who wer physically and emotionally on the brink. Have you heard about the LBS Weight Loss Program? Talk to me when you are on that and you have lost 10 pounds in two weeks. Explain to me how "honesty" with a WAS will help after they have made it crystal clear that they are not interested.
You are welcome here. There are many beloved "WAS" here. We are here to learn. Not to support divorce but to support people who are trying to avoid a divorce or who are going through one. That's why they call it Divorce Busting.
KS. it sucks to be where you are at.. I hear you flailing about hurting so terribly.. the pain of his betrayal is beyond anything you thought you could ever comprehend.
It's ok to feel what you feel.... Most of the people on here have felt what you have felt... most have chosen to act on their feelings differently than you are presenting how you are choosing to act on them.
Nothing wrong with either... it is what it is.
There is not a wealth of resources here for divorce like you say you are looking for, but on the other hand I did not find the kind of community & support on other divorce boards as I did here either.
A google search of divorce settlements/finances will give you a lot of options. I would recommend a certified divorce financial analyst/planner that usually knows about the tax laws/property settlement laws & can work well in conjunction with a lawyer.
It's a scary place to be a WAW, even when your spouse has done betrayed their promises to you... you will need lots of support & hugs from people in your real life, I hope you can find it and keep it as you travel your chosen path.
You sound like a strong woman who is confident in what she believes in and is willing to move heaven & earth to make things happen. I hope doing so brings you much happiness. I wish you well in your journey.
((KS)) Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
