Get lost or perhaps consider that maybe some of us HAVE gone through a divorce (if we filed or were filed on) and maybe *some* of us could offer a bit of insight.
I have not made one joke so don't dare include me in your rant.
I have tried to participate in the conversation, even the "open discussion YOU requested" with thoughtful insight and you did not bother to respond to ONE of my questions. Instead you rant and name call.
MOST PEOPLE even when cheated on, do not file for a divorce ASAP. If you want to then go ahead and all the best. If you needed to talk then talk away but don't be rude and class the people that did try and converse in the way you dictated we should as a bunch of jerks. Maybe you are the jerk. Maybe you are frustrated and hurt and scared. I don't know because each time I asked you what sort of support you needed you ignored me.
Don't think we haven't noticed that you managed to completely avoid answering the more reasonable and honest questions that you were asked, in that little tirade.
But at least we have our answer.
You aren't looking to be convinced to give your husband a second chance. You're done, you're filing, and anyone who attempts to discuss this with you reasonably is either put down or outright ignored.
You can't control the discussion, you can't make us dance to your tune, so you're taking your ball and going home.
Have a good life.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
And if you are so filled with disdain when you read this forum then why are you still reading it?
I don't mind being challenged but don't you dare call this group ugly names because nobody is telling you what a saint you are. These people will bend over backwards to help (even if you are the WAS and want a divorce) but you have to give a little too.
Did you bother reviewing this website to see what it was all about and if it would meet your needs before jumping in and making the huge splash? A little investigation may have saved a lot of aggravation all the way around. And you never did respond to the questions posed to you- you may still want to think about your answers, they may be illuminating.
Knittedscarff, You are on a forum full of people who are hurting because of some form of betrayal. Be it an affair, mid-life crisis, abuse, running away from the marriage, etc. What we all share is a commitment to the institution of marriage. Another thing we share is the gift of imperfection given to us as a result of being human. We learn from each other how to survive as best as we can. Every once and a while a marriage gets saved to the benefit of not just the couple but the children as well.
Honestly, what do you want from us?
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Ok, clearly I'm in the wrong place. My google-fu must be on the blink.
For the people who have given good advice, I thank you. It's helped a lot. I came here thinking I could get a better insight into why my husband was acting the way he was. He never used the specific term "Divorce bust" but he wanted to stop the divorce, so I thought this might be a good resource for me.
I didn't want to have much contact with him bc it seemed that he got the wrong idea that my concern over how he was doing was really me trying to get back together with him. It seemed to cause more problems than help him to talk about his feelings. And to be honest it caused me problems too, as I had to be the one who has to "be the bad guy" and file.
The good advice is very much appreciated.
For people who are have been divorced or in the process of a divorce, what is a good online website that might have a community that supports divorce?
I am thinking these are the things I'll be needing to address in the next 3+ months:
Therapy for my children Financial suggestions for equitable marital property distribution Child support and custodial questions Online support for spouses who have been cheated on (but don't want to reconcile the marriage) Links to therapists that have been useful (Houston area, if possible)
Any financial websites that you've used to help reconfigure your portfolio would help too. I cashed out a huge chunk of stock to pay for this divorce...it was supposed to be our retirement play money.
I have been following this thread all day...I have seen veterans come here and offer advice to you on a thread you called "general"...
You even brought Coach out of hiding to comment and that isn't an easy thing to do...
For this being a "general thread", you sure are pissed off at the responses...
Lying about feelings - It isn't about lying...It is about setting up boundaries that you can live with...
You stated that a divorce was a dealbreaker for you and that is all fine and well however once you came here and saw that this isn't a "divorce support forum" - Why did you stay?
Why didn't you walk away? You were told on the very first page of your thread by Lotus as well as Norm that this board wasn't what you were looking for yet you still stayed and sought advice and still received advice...
Your mind was made up the day you came here and no one can fault you for that yet here you still are calling my friends names, challenging each one of us who is trying to save their marriage, acting holier then thou...
Wrong place for you - SD said it best on your other thread...
Originally Posted By: SDFoundGirl
And I, too, am wondering what she wants from her experience here. Is it to tell all the standers that they're stupid and foolish? Is it to get others to agree that she's doing the right thing because she secretly questions her choice? And people have asked, but she hasn't responded.
Maybe it is time to re-google what you though you googled to begin with.
Good luck - Somewhere out there is a forum filled with people who will convince you what an excellent choice you have made - This isn't that forum.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Why didn't you walk away? You were told on the very first page of your thread by Lotus as well as Norm that this board wasn't what you were looking for yet you still stayed and sought advice and still received advice...
Hell, the name of the site is Divorce Busting. If that wasn't a big enough clue that this probably wasn't the place for her, I don't know what else to say.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
