>>I understand why you did it. To me, it wouldn't have had that effect.
You don't need symbols to let somebody go. You do it through your actions, your attitude and the change in your relationship with them.>>
I see what you mean. For me it felt like something I had to do. To cleanse away all of this to re-inforce within me the decisions I have been building towards since this all started. I agree and the actions and attitudes are what we all strive to work on and change. Its probably one of the reasons we come to this board.
I appreciate the 2x4.
I had stepped away from this board for because I had basically made up my mind at one point that the M was over and I was going to move forward with my life. I had a right to be happy and to be loved by somone that knows and understands what that means. I stopped DB'ing in the sense that my actions were no longer motivated by - (trying to get W back) but instead focused on how do I rebulild my life? - what do I want out of life? - what is going to make me happy? I wanted to put the ugliness behind me and took a stance that maybe-just maybe all of this happened for a reason. That I would be the 'better' person - forgive and forget - allow only postive thinking and and postive things would happen for me. So what if my W did this to us and our family that is her choice and she has to live with it and the consequences - I would come away stronger and with a free concience - would she be able to do the same? Maybe this means she really isn't the person I should be with- after all who would want someone that could do that? The very act of betrayal sort of alters the whole common values thing? I mean seriously if you met somone that you were interested in and found out they were capable of cheating would you continue to see them?
Anyway this was the direction I had been moving in. However, the more I did this the more the W noticed and made small comments about it.(Still didn't change her bahavior or the sitch)but it felt good not feeling angry or obsessed by all of this anymore (still does)but I also knew deep down that I would save my M and my family if opportunity allowed. So I wanted to get some feedback on the path I am treading. Wondering if I was making the right choice to essentially 'withdraw the troops and retire from the field'.
I will still have deal with all the same emoptions no matter what I choose but the path I choose can impact how I deal with those emotions and what actions might be most productive.(still cycling through this too like the rest of us all - but I feel so much stronger than when this started - I guess this is akin to dropping the rope).
So when the faint glimmers of the non-Dbing Dbing showed some results I came here to seek some solid advice from some very wise and experienced people. I think that in alot of ways I've answered my own inner questions (I'm kind of journaling at this point)-sorry I'll reflect on this a bit I think.
