Perhaps your H didn't realize your D noticed him crying? Prayers involve closing one's eyes...or maybe he wasn't bawling, just some tears. We adults often think we can pull the wool over kids' eyes, but when I'm not 100% okay, even my students know something is going on.
You're so hung up on this thing, and WHY? Do you just want to be right?
When my H were in-house separated, I *never* let him see me cry or lose it. I was also in IC, and I'd schedule 10-minutes every day to have my private cry or screaming time if I needed it. But telling H how horrible I felt or moping around didn't help my M, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, it didn't help ME get better.
What helped? Faking it 'til I made it. Getting a Life. Doing my 180s and WORKING ON ME. *That's* what made my H shrug of his EA and decide to work on our M together...and none of what I did is dishonest.
Private emotions are shared only with people you can trust your feelings with; your H can't trust you with his feelings anymore (you are rejecting him...this is NOT a slam against you, it's just true) so why would he tell you how awful he feels? He has no power in your R anymore, so why would he make himself even more vulnerable?
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Private emotions are shared only with people you can trust your feelings with; your H can't trust you with his feelings anymore (you are rejecting him...this is NOT a slam against you, it's just true) so why would he tell you how awful he feels? He has no power in your R anymore, so why would he make himself even more vulnerable?
SD
Very perceptive.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
...And maybe this is exactly what KS wanted. Reminds me of a short story about a woman who is told her husband is killed in a train wreck and she grieves while thinking "free, free, free!" But alas! She has been mistakenly informed and H appears at the door! She has a heart attack and dies...presumably from JOY but the suggestion is... perhaps not.
KS - you protest too much.
It doesn't add up. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I agree that it is healthy and important for partners to truthfully share their feelings in an intimate relationship. You have, however, told him you no longer want an intimate relationship. And by the way you talk to us; it sounds like you want nothing to do with him. You ridicule his every move; whether it be an attempt to move closer or an attempt to move on.
It seems that the only reason you want him to open up is so you can ridicule him some more with statements like "how sad" or "that is just humiliating". I know you want him to feel pain, I often wished my W felt pain when her actions were hurting me. However, you can see where that cycle led. It led to the 2 of us trading punches. Someone needs to stop the fight and walk away. It looks like he is trying to do that; you should let him go.
