Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

I respect your opinion Mishka, but I still have strong feelings for my first girlfriend. I still have strong feelings for my college girlfriend. I'm going to have feelings for W forever.

So do I just sit and wait for those to go away forever?

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot today is how hopeless it is for W to ever come back to me. I was driving D10 around today and I was remembering the good times with W -- a typical LBS thing to do -- and then I started really struggling with identifying truly happy moments after D7 was born.

They were very few and far between and that gibes with the first time I heard the D word from W. She's truly struggled with the M for five to six years.

I didn't see it or chose not to see it because of how she would say early in our marriage that she woke up every day worrying I had left in the night.

For a long time I just took her for granted because of that.

It's starting to sink in to my thick head that these past six years have truly been unhappy. There's a lot that perhaps I could have done differently. I think now that I focused so much on the happiness of the kids -- because I thought that was what family's should do -- that I forgot to focus on her feelings. W should have been No. 1 in my heart and the kids second. It wasn't that way and she realized it. I would do things I thought would make her happy but I didn't really keep working at recognizing her feelings.

Realizing that and I think that the best I can hope for from W is for her to eventually remember she did love me once -- truly love me -- and to remember those good times. Right now, she's totally focused on erasing my memory. When I do have to go to the house, it's as if I didn't exist.

So Mishka, I'll always have feelings for W, but isn't it time for me to turn the page.