I hope somebody can give me their opinion quickly. My wife said she would like to move back in with me. The asking to come back didn't go exactley the way I had dreamed it would. Since she left me and dated somebody should she have said she made a mistake and she was sorry. Or was I expecting too much.
You probably are, at this point. If reconciliation comes, she will feel remorse.
Originally Posted By: Bobby
I know it will take time to build our relationship. She said she wants to sleep in seperate rooms for a while. i told her i wasn't interested in sex at this point af that was her concern.
It's up to you to set whatever conditions and boundaries you feel are necessary.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
My husband and i reconciled after he had an affair. At first he apologized for hurting me, but not for the affair. That was the best I could get for about a month. Then we went to Retrouvaille where we were supposed to think about the things we had done that hurt the other person, and apologize for them. At that point he finally apologized for the affair because it was "the wrong thing to do." i was satisfied with that. But it still wasn't a full sorry. Because it was just a moral black and white statement, it didn't quite go as far as being real remorse for the damage to the relationship. That happened over time; the feeling of remorse has continued to grow. Though he no longer verbally apologizes (there's just so much time either of us wanted to dwell on the past) I know that he is now sorry at a much deeper level. And we're both happy that we overcame the divide between us. But it took a long time. Probably a year of drawing closer together, before we both felt comfortable with our togetherness again. I know it took at least 6 months before I heard the words "I love you" again. It is a process of remorse. It doesn't all happen at once.
Now is not the time to attack. If she wants back in, well, isn't that what you came here for? I know that I was willing to forgive my STBXW at one point and move on with our M. My sitch is different from yours.
I would think it is worth it? For sure you could both benefit with counseling. Look into Retrouvaille. I believe that if there is ANYTHING worth trying that the S will..it's that. Good luck.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
When my wife and I had our talk a couple of evenings ago about her moving back in I asked her when she's coming back she said "I don't know". Now that I had time to think it bothers me that she couldn't tell me when. I don't understand that.Should I be contacting her and asking? I'm back to hanging and waiting. The other question is, my wife said she even thought about MC. But I have heard that it's not always good. Do I need to somehow research counselers?
I think your choices are still the same: 1) stand for your marriage 2) file
What is your choice? If you are standing, then, IMO, you hang in. You can try and set a boundary, perhaps, by telling her that if she intends to move back, you both must enroll in Retrouvaille, but, she may see that as controlling.
If #1, how long are you willing to wait?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
