Thank you all-- I will drink some nyquil and then do some pushups...

Grace-- thank you for your insight. I actually do think there is something asterxy about my sitch, in that I got married and a month later started my surgical internship... I did not tend to my wife-- this desertion essentially went on for 9 years. sure when I was feeling good, not exhausted, and it was convenient to me I was her friend.. otherwise, not. its amazing she stayed with me this long.

Interesting thing happened this morning (add this to the calls and all that stuff from yesterday). Im sitting there honestly trying to decide if I call her to start talking about making the separation official cause I'm hurting so bad (but I wasn't gonna do it). and she sends me a text picture of her in her new coat she just got-- it said, new coat smile. Then I said "I love your new coat". then she said, "whats happening" then I said, "not much, you" and she said, getting ready to go to hospital (she's trying to set up a foundation for sick and dying kids), thinking of you...

ok, that was a new one...so of course I said, "you know I think of you 24/7 (doh!), then we started just texting back and forth about funny stuff (my luggage didn't come so I was wearing my grandfather's shirt and sweater-- he's 93) and I got her laughing so hard she was crying. not exactly something we have had going on bewteen us for like months. Then she said, hug them for me. then she said, "and hug yourself from me too. please".

so anyhow, I don't want to get too up on the rollercoaster, and I have laid off since then, but what are peoples thoughts about her behavior? for the first time since the split I didn't come up there when I could.

now again I know that DBing is about making the changes for me, but isn't there also the hope that the d gets busted/