eh, I went back and read your more detailed situation. it's possible that she is not in an affair right now. It's probable that she WAS in one, and is now in recovery from it.
the question is, is she going to transition from "having an affair, to being single", or from "having an affair, to being married again" ?
In my opinion, you should show her that you can be there for her, in the way that she needs you to be. That would be: in the house, silently, maybe taking care of little things without asking, staying out of her way, and without talking about your relationship, unless she starts it.
This requires you to put yourself aside, and think of her, continuously, for weeks.
if you dont think you could do that right now... then you need to work on yourself to get to that point. Because that's what marriage calls for: being able to set yourself aside for a time, for the benefit of the other person. If you cant do it, then you arent ready for a recovery of your marriage yet, so merely "being apart" is not going to improve things.
Do you agree with that?
She didnt have an affair but she did date a guy on the 3rd month of our separation.
Regarding moving back in the house, that wont work. She doesnt want us to live together yet, she said it would be "to easy" and things would go back to the way they were. If I didnt move out, she would have gotten an apartment and the divorce would have been done this week by the mediator (which was the original plan).
Believe me, I want to get back in my house ASAP and work on the marriage, but I cant make her do anything. I am working on myself right now, going to show her Im doing my own thing (again) and make her curious.
Regarding her friend, it was not a date, sorry if I made it sound like that. We are just friends, thats all it will ever be, believe me.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
