Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Bam - it just hit me why I am having so much trouble detaching at work but not at home. It isn't about detaching, its about trust issues stemming from the the EA. The EA thrived while they were at work. They talked every day, usually multiple times and they TM 30-60 times a day, all while at work. On weekends, their communication was cut to sometimes 1 call per weekend and a few text messages. When they started getting braver/cockier is when they started TM more and that's what led to me calling them out on it because it was so disrespectful to do it right in my face with me in the next room and try to hide it.
I think my issue is that I pursue because of a fear or insecurity of the unknown of have they really stopped the EA or just throttled back and gone deeper undercover. It is fear of the deeper undercover because of two e-mail titles I saw right after I cut off the facebook communication: the two titles were "I should have thought of this sooner" and "morning"...now I have no idea who sent them to her, nor what they said, but they were to her account that she tried to keep secret from me and were a couple of days after adding facebook to the list of no communication means no facebook viewing either. So, I've still had this fear that the EA is still alive, though there is no way it is providing the emotional support it once did.

I don't think she has the nerve to try to do much contact when at home except maybe an e-mail or two (ie see what I just wrote). But at work, it is much safer. So I think my pursuit issues are more about fear of the unknown, my wondering if the EA is still alive and they are talking on the phone. I know if it is alive, it isn't thriving, but it could be alive and with all the other emotions going on this week, it would be difficult to impossible for me to recognize signs of contact and the EA still going.

Looking for counseling, words of advice or wisdom or encouragement on how to get myself in the right mental state over this.
Thanks - however I have done well today. No contact at all made since I left the house. No visits, no calls, no e-mails, no TMs (one work related e-mail with other people courtesy copied, so that doesn't count)