First, the live in thing. I have been doing it for years. It sucks. IMO, I wouldn’t be so quick to let him back in. Not until you can really not be affected by his actions. Not until you are really ready to deal with daily anger, daily moodswings, daily crap. I still believe that one of the reasons my H got stuck, was because he never moved out.
I also know without a doubt that it was much harder for me to do what I needed to do. And it wore on my patience. It makes the road for each, that much more difficult. So please take it for what it is worth and really think about it before you take that leap. A whole different can of worms with a live in.
Sex, that is something you have to decide for you. We have each handled that differently. For some, it keeps the connection. For others, well it allows cake eating and can really wear on your self esteem.
As for the why don’t they just file? Well, this is MLC. At some point that will be enough of an explanation but…
Filing would make sense if you just wanted to end the M. But MLC doesn’t make sense. Just because something sounds good one second, that doesn’t mean it sounds good the next. And really, best thing or not, D is not easy. It does not feel good. MLCers try to avoid painful, difficult situations at all cost. Because it does not go along with the desire to just end all of the pain.
So let’s talk about you.
What are you doing for you? How are you being a better parent to your kids? How is work going? What are your goals, regardless of your H and his issues or actions?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Some will file quickly because they think it will end the pain they are in. And they usually find out it doesn't.
Others, not so quickly becuase they want to avoid pain at all costs. And D is painful.
Others, want it one minute, but the next they are not so sure. Even if they don't express the uncertainty.
Making concrete, clear choices is something that MLCer's are NOT good at.
A simple WAW, someone who just wants out of the M, faces the music, knows it will not be easy but has an idea of what the other side will look like and just does it. And moves forward.
I hope that helps. Maybe others can pitch in some thoughts.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
In MHO if your H files then he will lose his chance to cake-eat. He would rather keep that door open, sit on the fence so to speak. That does not mean you should give him that opportunity(to cake-eat). Also by telling you he wants a D he know that you will react poorly. This takes the pressure off of him. This is one reason you need to not fear the D word. Your H knows your reaction to it. FEAR! So he can control you through that fear.
Listen to Grace, focus on yourself and your children.
LOST...I totally agree.... My H knows I hate the D word.....he threatened last June to proceed with the next steps, said he knew it would be painful but thought summer was the best time since I don't work in the summer...but he wanted me to sit down with him...I said NO...told him I would talk to my attorney...Haven't heard anything more lately but then again I have only seen him twice in 6 months....don't talk to him either...My H hates pressure...hates confrontation...knows though that you don't mess with my children's lives....
I believe it is the calm before the storm....the tornado is brewing...I know my H....it is going to all come down soon and it's going to get ugly....as of June I will only have one child under age 18...H knows then he will only have to pay for one....but he does have to pay for me...and I'm sure OW doesn't like that one bit....we'll see....I try not to give them much space in my little brain but sometimes I cave....
I'm gonna be ok & so will you....I just know it.... Treese
Last edited by Treese; 01/06/1003:40 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
thanks! its not that he doesnt want to give me time...believe it or not he does. I think thats what makes it a bit harder!I have been distancing myself...
I mean generally speaking...about everything...he is always in a hurry for nothing??? literally!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
