Her real father almost killed her when she was a baby, her step father was the biggest drug dealer in town. There are tons of horrible stories about her childhood. Parents split in a horrible D that tore up the family. He lied to his wife recently and she wants a D. He may be dieing.
Her mom is a loony ex-hippy who is less stable than her kids.
Her older sister basically raised W and her brother.
She was a wild, punk-rock kid.
Her mom took her on the road w/ the renaissance faire and "sold" her to a chainmail craftsman as an apprentice.
She hooked up w/ previous H at the ren-faire, got pregnant at 21, had D13 on her own back in Colorado. Previous H showed up and they married. He vanished when D13 was almost 3 and W was pregnant w/ D10.
Two years later I show up.
She's recently confessed that she sometimes hears whispers, and sees things like trees falling while riding in the car. Her C suggested she may have mild schizophrenia.
She's had bad reactions to medications and won't go back on anti-depressants. She has hormonal problems that I feel are seriously affecting her POV. She's had chronic insomnia for almost a year. She's had night-terrors and horrible nightmares that she physically reacts to since I met her.
Last edited by TooLateForMe; 01/08/1006:24 PM.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
No drugs that I know of other than an occasional provigil (mild upper) to stay awake at work (overnights).
Last edited by TooLateForMe; 01/08/1006:42 PM.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
NO WAY IN HAL she would have remarried you... not unless she is a nutjob.
I had no idea!
Mark, unless she gets a lot of counseling I'd advise you to let go. Let her go. I know you want to fix this and you love her, but she's dragging you down into a cesspool. She has some serious issue to work on and only she can work on them.
I don't think she's nuts at all. She's been quite stable and kind up until 4 mos ago. Her main problem is being the other side to the codependency, that of the giver and I'm the receiver.
I have my own problems- emotionally stunted, critical parents who still criticize and belittle and withhold love, causing deep social anxiety, depression, fear of success, and I'm still convinced I can't survive without help from someone else. And I'm passive/aggressive.
She's working on her problems and I'm working on mine. Meanwhile, the sense of being a terrible person (brought on by the revelation of the assault) has quashed my sense of entitlement.
I also feel a little more perspective having agreed to the D. I held on so tightly that I couldn't see anything else. I let go and now feel a little more capable of living without her. I still love her and want her, but I can comfortably imagine life without her.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
C went well. Working on dealing w/ the issues and not casting myself as a monster. That's hard, given the sitch. Also trying to come to terms w/ the idea that there is no more hope of reconciling. Fake it till you make it, seems to be a mantra of R problems.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
W has completely shut down re: the assault. She claims to have forgiven me, but refuses to meet face to face to talk about it. I feel this would be healing for us both, but no go.
Would it be too manipulative to make this a condition of the D?
Last edited by TooLateForMe; 01/11/1006:03 AM.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Would it be too manipulative to make this a condition of the D?
Yes, it would be manipulative.
Originally Posted By: TooLateForMe
refuses to meet face to face to talk about it.
If you did rape her, that is a traumatic experience best handled by a trained professional. Your trying to get her to talk about anything is pursuit. Pursuing is a DB no-no.
I have some strange reawakening that's going on, maybe because of the letting go (agreeing to D). It could have to do w/ C or medication or who knows.
Too bad I couldn't have felt this way in Sept.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
