I wouldn't call right now. Even if you could pull it off, I think it would be wierd for someone to be "ok" and "act as if" when they aren't the one wanting a D.
And I know that for me, I would be setting myself up for a meltdown.
Hi Grace. I haven't contacted H and don't plan to. I realized that I will see him next Saturday(1/16) at D14's fundraiser dinner for choir. D12 will be with me and we all were planning to sit together...
My hurt is diminishing as is my anger. I'm feeling mmore resigned that this is where I am right now. Don't have many feelings, of any kind, towards H-just kind of numb. Don't like the 'him' that is divorcing me.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
How long does it take to get a divorce in Colorado? I just spoke to a lawyer today in NY and it takes 1 year if we sign a separation agreement for the divorce to become final.
90 days is the minimum time from filing with the court to a judge granting a divorce. It can take longer if mediation takes awhile, if we go to court...mediation is mandatory in my county. If children are involved then we are required to go to a co-parenting class as well.
So went to a movie with D14 tonight(Leap Year-cute, feel-good movie) and H texts me "Sorry I didn't hear back from you today. Are we not talking now?"..I texted him " I just need some time to process. At movie. Text later."
So when I got home I texed him that I was home and said "what's up?"..no response(he's probably asleep or out...)
Hard to tell emotions with texts..can't tell if fear about not talking or anger... I'd really like time to avoid seeing him a bit, but D14 says she and H are doing something together tomorrow-not sure what(of course heard this from D14..)
Will see what fun the weekend brings...
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
KJ - have you noticed, your H consistantly does this ...
[quote]H texts me "Sorry I didn't hear back from you today. Are we not talking now?"..quote]
whenever you are truely over him and deliberately and sincerely back away he comes forward. He feels it and it feels uncomfortable to him.
In the spirit of doing-what-works, on the basis of what you write here, distancing and detaching affect your husband and focusses him back on you... you know you have been giving him a pretty easy ride ....
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
H texts me "Sorry I didn't hear back from you today. Are we not talking now?"..I texted him " I just need some time to process. At movie. Text later."
KJ I feel for you, I am right behind you I think in this process. I agree with walking's assessment of the moving closer, moving further away dance. I would not text your H about anything other than business. I would try not to even do that if possible. Don't tell him you need more time or that you are not talking to him. He will get the message. NC is a form of communication. It sends a message by itself. I think it is the message you really want to send to him. I know that it is harder with kids but you can do it!
KJ- First of all, I am really amazed by you. You are going through so much, and yet you have the consideration to send me positive vibes and helpful messages. Your strength of character and overall goodness as a human being shine through.
I am definitely not one to give advice, but the one thing that I have learned over these last few months is sending out a text message that says, "what's up" or really anything that is a question that demands a response is setting yourself up for disappointment, anxiety, and checking your phone every 30 seconds to see if the skinnerian experimental pellet will come down the shoot..yay, happy pigeon again!
I take my phone and I put it in a drawer. I know that if I turn it off my wife knows it is off. this triggers old feelings of abandonement, I think, and reinforces her feelings that I live in my own world and don't care about her.. yet for my own sanity I have to do it. so I leave it on and turn off the sound. then I try to go an hour without looking at it.
I love the fact that he sent you that message wondering if you were still talking... it sounds like in your case going dark really might help... I don't know. again I"m reluctant to give any advice but I do know that the "what's up" text is a set up for misery... plus, if they feel like you "want" something from them then it may push them farther away.
maybe its like when you take two magnets and try to push them together when there is opposite polarity. doesn't work. but if you take another magnet, switch it around (180) and just let it sit there it will attract the other magnet to it...
I'll be thinking of you today and hope your day goes well.
maybe its like when you take two magnets and try to push them together when there is opposite polarity. doesn't work. but if you take another magnet, switch it around (180) and just let it sit there it will attract the other magnet to it...
I like that!
Bradley, why do you say you don't know how to DB? I think you are getting it.
