Lying about feelings drags you to their level?

[june72]

OK, folks, I have thoughts on this. As I have said on Knitted's previous thread. Knitted scarff is here really to try to find a way to take him back. Knitted, I don't believe you. I am kind of like you- You want him to hurt like hell to experience the pain you are still going through. You want him to crumble as a human being the way he crumbled your world. You want to through up roadblocks and see him prove his love for you by overcoming those obstacles.

I wonder if you have a hard time admitting your true feelings to yourself and bring up other minor issues to focus on. My mother was like that- my dad was dying she was off comforting another family who relative was actually recovering- she just couldn't handle the real disaster- she had to have her diversion.

Maybe you have a really crappy counselor or have told so many people that you are Ding this b@stard @ss that now you don't know how to face those people if you were to work on it with him.

You are bothered by his trying to hide the truth b/c you want to really- gosh, I can't figure out how to put this into words. You want to have him admit he is hurting as a way to show he still loves you. You want open honestly about everything. The fact that he is not going to counseling bothers you and you are looking as this as a way to get him to go? I honestly think you want him to grovel more to you also (I am so like that- I'll admit to it) IDK, poorly worded- I can't express right what I am thinking.

What if you, told him that while you are going forward with the D you still wanted to talk with him. (He is occupying way too much space in your mind). Ask him some more "why's". Others see it as control- I see it as excuses to maintain contact and try to find reasons to keep him in your mind.

Maybe he stopped admitting he is hurting b/c he is trying a new tactic to win you back, as others have mentioned.
As for the lying to you about how great he is doing- How I would handle it... (And I am not a very good DBer) I would call him out on it. I would say I know you were crying to our daughter and she heard you crying in the other room and just wait for his response.

IDK, I think you are so NOT done with this man. Subconciously there is a ton of stuff there. You are focusing on odd things for a person who could care less about someone.
As I said in the last thread- a person who is truly done avoids the other person like the plague and gives them no thought what so ever.

I just see you as a sulking teenager stating in a moody tone "I don't care, don't care at all" when every know's you do.

Knitted, I am sorry you are in such pain.

IDK, maybe you will feel I am 100% off on this...