Calling out the Piecers

[mishka422]

Family counseling would be excellent for you all. You said she didn't follow through.....why didn't you? Time to take control, get everyone to where they need to be. If this is what you want, take control of the situation. She seems like she's waiting for you to take all the initiative. Has she always been that way? Sit back and wait for someone else to do it for her? If so, now is probably not the time to try to change that. Work through it in counseling, a safe environment where there is a neutral party.

Lack of commitment to discipline is what happens with most out of control kids. I know that when Marc was younger I had a tough time with follow through. Not because I didn't want to discipline him, but because I would enact a punishment without thinking it through fully and then would realize that I had just punished myself as well.

For instance - no TV until midterms? Um....wouldn't that mean no TV for you all then? How's that workin' for ya? You're grounded for 2 months? Ok, so that means no break time for you guys because they can't go to friend's houses.

Something I learned through my counselor that has been working like a wonder for Marc -

Last Saturday Marc went to a friend's house. I told him that he was to call me within 15 minutes of getting there to advise of his plans (i.e. - how long he was to be there, if they were bringing him home or I was picking him up). I was very specific about this and gave him my reason - I had plans all afternoon and evening and there would be a very tight time frame that I could pick him up in. So, following my C's suggestions, I gave him a timeframe, gave him my reasons for the timeframe to back up that I'm not just being controling. Then I advised him of the consequence in advance if I did not hear from him in 15 minutes. He would be grounded from going to anyone's house or having anyone over for 2 months. 2 months is a LONG time for anyone, let alone a teenager who is developing social connections. He knew the consequence, he did not call within 15 minutes. He didn't call within 30 minutes. I called him. He didn't answer the first time. The second time he answered, gave me a song and dance about just finding out what the plan was. Too bad, he knew what he had to do. 15 minutes was up, he was grounded when he got home. He was MAD! Too bad. One day later I enacted the 2nd part of the C's suggestion. Now, give him the chance to earn back time from his grounding. For every day that he does all of his chores without having to be told to do them, he earns one day off his restriction. If I ask him to do something extra and he does it without being reminded or pushed to do it, he earns 2 days off. See how that works? So far, he has earned back 3 days. 3 days out of 4 this week? It's a record!!! Incentive! But incentive that matters to him and that is earned gradually by showing responsibility.

WORKS FABULOUSLY!!!