Lying about feelings drags you to their level?

[Coach]

But I feel like he's trying to "fake it til he makes it." It's humiliating.

You are thinking for him!? You think he should be humiliated for how he is acting?

Even when he was in the affair, I sensed something was really wrong, but I didn't want to admit it to myself or him that I knew something very wrong.

So were you a liar when you masked your feelings? Why would he want you back if you can't be honest and upfront? You knew there was a problem but didn't act on it.

I'm seeking to understand the script of people who say that they are feeling better than they are. But trying to PRETEND that he is strong instead of just being upset seems to be working against his getting better.

I think he is incredibly strong to even ask you for forgiveness. You discount the possibility that he has been "getting better." Read on here on how hard it is for a WAS in a A to admit guilt and ask for a second chance. That is a man who has done some soul-searching and realises how important his wife, marriage and family is to him.

He is not you. He will handle it the best way he can. Understand he is hurting, his world has crashed, his wife has left him because of his mistake, his family is getting ripped apart, he can do nothing to fix it and you think he is pretending. This is very real to him. It probably takes all his strength to get off the floor sometimes. Put yourself in his shoes. Look at your situation like you are looking from the outside into a fishbowl - what do you see?