The reason I'm asking about the lying is, yes, I no longer have a relationship with my husband as a partner. But, and I see it for the better, I will be in a relationship with him as a co-parent for the rest of my life because of our precious girls.
I'm not asking these questions to help him. I'm trying to find how people react to help me; the only person I can heal is myself. But I feel like he's trying to "fake it til he makes it." It's humiliating.
We were married a long time. We have kids. Even when he was in the affair, I sensed something was really wrong, but I didn't want to admit it to myself or him that I knew something very wrong.
I'm trying to listen to and respect other people's stories, as they might be similar to my husbands. Just as all wayward spouses seem to follow a "script" of "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "she/he's just a friend" or "I don't know what you mean you're upset by all these texts on my phone." I'm seeking to understand the script of people who say that they are feeling better than they are. But trying to PRETEND that he is strong instead of just being upset seems to be working against his getting better.
The longer he pretends this, the longer it will be before he seeks the help he needs. In the meantime, our kids hurt. I'm asking here bc in three weeks we are meeting with a mediator, and I want to be able to understand his actions (the 'script').
