I understand you are wanting a general discussion to take place but I think (and this is simply my opinion) general patterns happen when you consider the scope of ALL relationships but things are still "situational".
Like you said cheating is a deal breaker for you. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. It is the ultimate act of betrayal on many, many levels. It stirs up anger and other emotions in a way many of us did not know could even exist in the human mind.
I guess I am puzzled because you said cheating was a deal breaker (again, I don't think anybody would fault you for taking that stance) and you feel your only option is divorce. If that is the case then why are you still talking about "lying" in a relationship. You have NO relationship anymore since you feel it is not possible to reconcile or mend anything.
If you say it is over (again, nothing wrong with that, we all have our limits) then your R in entirety is OVER so why does it matter to you what your soon to be EX-husband does or does not do?
Some people have to hit rock bottom in order to improve. It seems to me (and pardon me if I am way off base) you think your husband NOT sharing his most private feelings (EX: crying at home) is lying. You think the worst of him right now and that is understandable. Trust me, I have had thoughts about my H that would land me in jail if I ever verbalized them. Perhaps he knows he did horribly wrong and while he doesn't want to be divorced he is accepting your decision and trying not to make things worse for you.
