Pls help--confused and fearful

[newmama]

Wow, the Judge is NOT going to treat WH well!!! How is he so ignorant to think he doesn't even need to give you any money that would include child support?
DBD hang in there!

[P17]

Wow, the Judge is NOT going to treat WH well!!! How is he so ignorant to think he doesn't even need to give you any money that would include child support?
DBD hang in there!

DBD, I'm not going to say this to scare you but does your H know something you, your L and the rest of us don't know?

I know WAS's kind of lose their mind when they leave. But they tend to still live in the real world where they have to pay bills etc.

What I fail to understand is how he thinks he can just walk away from you financially when you have two children together?

My thoughts are either, as I said he knows something we don't or he STILL doesn't believe you are going to an L. I believe it's the latter. Am I right in thinking that he has no real proof you have been to an L and are going through with it (ie. he has no papers etc. as yet)?

Is he planning on moving abroad (as he works away anyway)? That won't stop CS (as there is international cooperation on CS) but it will make it incredibly difficult to collect.

I hope I'm wrong and misreading this. Just be careful.

[Day by Day]

He thinks that's all he needs to pay? Am I right there?
Go for a long walk ...

Yep. Got it right. I think he's getting advice from OW on how to annoy me. Keep digging the hole... I should have gone for a long walk but went shopping and kept very distracted. Worked the same.

Wow, the Judge is NOT going to treat WH well!!! How is he so ignorant to think he doesn't even need to give you any money that would include child support?

Pure arrogance. Huge. I always heard about it, but I was in denial--I was in looove. He has a big ego. Thinks he's coq of the walk.

My thoughts are either, as I said he knows something we don't or he STILL doesn't believe you are going to an L. I believe it's the latter. Am I right in thinking that he has no real proof you have been to an L and are going through with it (ie. he has no papers etc. as yet)?

Yup.

Is he planning on moving abroad (as he works away anyway)? That won't stop CS (as there is international cooperation on CS) but it will make it incredibly difficult to collect.

I think it was a threat to see if it would get me to move on D for fear of not getting CS. I find it strange to hear that he is buying more furniture and putting in window treatments to his rental. That doesn't seem like he's moving anytime soon. But yes, it would be incredibly difficult to collect CS from abroad. I'm not afraid. If he is going to be such a cad, well I hope the law can help me and for karma to deal with him. And anyways, he'll have to travel back and forth to HQ so he'll be stopped as he enters the country and possibly put in jail for not paying.

Thanks all for your support. You all are so wonderful! {{hugs}}

[Day by Day]

DBD, I'm not going to say this to scare you but does your H know something you, your L and the rest of us don't know?

P, been think over this for a couple days, and maybe you are right. I'm also suspecting I might be under surveillance. I have nothing to hide and not dating, so why even bother. WAH knew my schedule last night and wanted to come in the house w S. S is very very angry with him and didn't let him in saying he wasn't going to kick me out of the house because he left. (I wasn't home.) I think things are going to get ugly(ier) on WAH's part. I'm going to move out with the kids to a smaller house I can care for and afford. Once I get support.

I'm really tired of all this. I don't love this person and I'm not even seeing glimpses of the old him. It's doing tons to destroy what's left. Never expected him to treat me this way. I am sad and wanting to cry for what's been lost but I think I'm out of tears. I miss being loved and miss loving him. It's hard for me to imagine loving someone else yet I don't love this alien.

Tears have shown up, guess they aren't all gone. I'm tired of this... I want to move on and have him be a distant memory. Wish it didn't hurt. I'm ready to say goodbye.

[P17]

{{{{{ DBD }}}}}

P, been think over this for a couple days, and maybe you are right. I'm also suspecting I might be under surveillance.

Do you think this just because he knew you're schedule?

Be very careful if you do think you are being watched. I would also pick the phone up and call the Police at the SLIGHTEST sign of anything out of the ordinary. You are a woman, on your own, with two kids. You need to be careful.

I have nothing to hide and not dating, so why even bother.

But he may not be looking to see if you are having an A with somebody. He may be looking for something as simple as you leaving the kids in the house by themselves, going out a lot, spending money, yada yada yada.

None of this may be accurate, but think outside the box. Have you mentioned this to your L? Have you thought a restraining order - don't know if it's an option or not, it's just to plant the seed.

WAH knew my schedule last night and wanted to come in the house w S. S is very very angry with him and didn't let him in saying he wasn't going to kick me out of the house because he left.

Why would S say he wasn't going to kick you out of the house? It seems an extreme jump from him just wanting to come in to S saying he wasn't going to kick you out.

(I wasn't home.) I think things are going to get ugly(ier) on WAH's part.

I think we all knew that though. Your H seems on a path to destroying you either emotionally, financially or otherwise.

I'm going to move out with the kids to a smaller house I can care for and afford. Once I get support.

What is going to happen to the current house?

I'm really tired of all this. I don't love this person and I'm not even seeing glimpses of the old him. It's doing tons to destroy what's left. Never expected him to treat me this way. I am sad and wanting to cry for what's been lost but I think I'm out of tears. I miss being loved and miss loving him. It's hard for me to imagine loving someone else yet I don't love this alien.

Try and think of these thoughts as good DBD. He is HELPING you to detach and making it easier for you. I know that might be a bit of a leap but every cloud has a silver lining ... so they say!

Tears have shown up, guess they aren't all gone. I'm tired of this... I want to move on and have him be a distant memory. Wish it didn't hurt. I'm ready to say goodbye.

You're not ready to say goodbye DBD. You're hurting too much. You may want to say goodbye but your heart is still clinging. Mine is too. It's natural. We need to get the head and the heart singing the same tune before we can do that. Judging by the other thread today (as it benotafraid's one) it will take anywhere from 1 - 2 years for that to happen, although we're all different. I can't see me waiting a year!

[newmama]

DBD, I have to agree with P17. I think it's likely WH is trying to find SOMETHING to use against you in court but since you truly are not doing anything wrong, he has resorted to surveillance to catch an error(if your gut is right).

Do you think it's possible to think of it like that P said--WH is HELPING you to detach by being nasty?!

I miss being loved and miss loving him. It's hard for me to imagine loving someone else yet I don't love this alien.

I know. The longer the alien occupies WH's body, the harder it is to keep love for him.And not being loved by them is soooo hard. (((DBD)))

[Day by Day]

Do you think this just because he knew you're schedule?

No, besides that. At my support group last night there was a suspicious man that looked just like OWxH. Scared me as he was watching me. I'm getting paranoid I guess. But I mentioned it to my girlfriend and she blocked him from talking to me. He was awkward and he then watched where I was going. I didn't go to my car alone. My friend thought it was weird.

Be very careful if you do think you are being watched. I would also pick the phone up and call the Police at the SLIGHTEST sign of anything out of the ordinary. You are a woman, on your own, with two kids. You need to be careful.

Yes, I will. Thanks P. WH is protecting OW from OWxH instead. Ugh, that hurts.

But he may not be looking to see if you are having an A with somebody. He may be looking for something as simple as you leaving the kids in the house by themselves, going out a lot, spending money, yada yada yada.

None of this may be accurate, but think outside the box. Have you mentioned this to your L? Have you thought a restraining order - don't know if it's an option or not, it's just to plant the seed.

I am starting to think outside the box! I do believe he is trying to paint me as a bad mother.

Why would S say he wasn't going to kick you out of the house? It seems an extreme jump from him just wanting to come in to S saying he wasn't going to kick you out.

S is extremely angry at WAH and is very defensive of his comments about me. That's as much as I can get from him.

Your H seems on a path to destroying you either emotionally, financially or otherwise.

What is going to happen to the current house?

I think it's both emotional and financial destruction. Not to be flip, but I don't care what happens to the house. I don't want it.

Try and think of these thoughts as good DBD. He is HELPING you to detach and making it easier for you. I know that might be a bit of a leap but every cloud has a silver lining ... so they say!

I guess. Just today while I was getting ready for my race, I was remembering always keeping him company to his and supporting him, yet I went alone today. I couldn't meet up with my girlfriends and it was a dark and drizzly day. I was thinking, why on earth would I want this man back. The betrayal is too much now. I've waited long enough. It compounds everyday. The disrespect and nastiness is compounding everyday. He kicks me around like as discarded piece of garbage. And I've been waiting here to forgive him out of love. I don't deserve this. I want a man that will honor his vows and is trustworthy and has integrity.

You're not ready to say goodbye DBD. You're hurting too much. You may want to say goodbye but your heart is still clinging. Mine is too. It's natural. We need to get the head and the heart singing the same tune before we can do that. Judging by the other thread today (as it benotafraid's one) it will take anywhere from 1 - 2 years for that to happen, although we're all different. I can't see me waiting a year!

Oh, I do see myself waiting a year. My heart has been too broken and I think it'll take a saint to get me to trust again.

[Day by Day]

Okay... a la cutterbug, I'll post a song that spoke for my heart over the summer. Although it is a male singing, it spoke for me. Finally able to hear it again.

The Script--Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjxEmJzdLTU&feature=related

[Day by Day]

It was a The Script summer for me and now "The End Where I Begin" applies. Love this Irish band. WAH had tix for us to see U2 and The Script floor level and took OW instead I bet. I was imagining him hearing the words and knowing I felt the same. Oh, well. He didn't know of the group.

Yep, it's the end where I begin...

sometimes tears say all there is to say
sometimes your first scars won't ever fade away
sometimes we've no choice but to walk away
what don't kill a heart only makes it strong.

[Day by Day]

Checking in after taking the weekend off of talking about WAH.

Had stupid drama from him of course on Sat. I'm really tired of it. It was all over the kids' exchange. He's letting all the planning go through them and not clearing it with me. It was my weekend and he made plans to take them to a ball game that evening. I put my foot down and said no since it was my weekend and he didn't clear it with me. He says I emotionally manipulated them into not going and missing a nice game with their cousin and it was planned months ago. They only wanted to go see their school sing the national anthem at halftime they told me. D was at a horse show on Sat that lasted all day anyhow!

Well, again the man is using money as a weapon. He had promised to pay for D's horse show fees and training for the weekend of competition and now since plans changed, he's changing plans on paying for it and is sticking me with the bill. He said I'm using his money anyway.

He's so obsessed with using money as a weapon! He also said that I should be acknowledging his emails and then he'd "bother" to coordinate with me. He's such a childish and selfish man. Okay, I'm approaching DISGUST.