feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

Here's something GIMA wrote on his thread that might help you clear your mind:

whether it's out of the LBS' pain/hurt/anger, it is common for the LBS not to understand that, in most (nearly all?), cases, the LBS has difficulty understanding and accepting that the WAS is hurting too. In my case, I knew my W was (and I believe still is) hurting, but initially, my own pain/hurt/sense of rejection was so strong, I had to fight through that to see my W's POV and try to understand what she MAY have been going through. That takes time and a willingness to overcome.

I like this - I know he is confused and upset too - I do but it's like he's driving this thing and won't put on the brakes so it makes me very angry.

I have to stop thinking what he's thinking and focus on me or I won't get through this. This is my plan. I don't want to wonder anymore.

If a LBS is trying to DB, and they cannot understand their S is also hurting, scared, in pain, then I don't think they are DB'ing, as I see that as an integral part of this process. Whether it brings the WAS back or not is beside the point. I think it is more important to accept that this person who is D'ing you IS hurting. Otherwise, the LBS cannot unload their hurt, which inevitably will manifest itself as anger and resentment towards the WAS. I do not want to carry around that anchor the rest of my life. It isn't healthy for me or for my kids.

Get what you can out of it.