Moving back in

[SpinFree]

What, no whistles Puppy?

DD,
How can you let the financial consequences of her actions fall on her shoulders?

Can you change 1/2 of the bills into her name? Wife, I have decided, since we are going ahead with an in-house separation, 1/2 of the bills will be in your name. Here they are. *show her bills mailed to house in her name* If you do not pay them, your credit will be trashed. They come with size 10 big girl panties....

If she doesn't pay them, let them get shut off. Pay the deposit or whatever it takes to get them in her name. Let the emotional creature *feel* the weight of responsibility.

SpinFree

[soleil]

I'll read more from this board to get ideas, but from what I've been reading so far my best option seems to favor LRT and drop the f'n rope....

Made me laugh, though I know you didn't mean that to be funny.

I was planning on not facillitating the D, make her do all of the work, let her own the moment...

If she's the one who wants it, let her do it. You just sit back and relax.

Forgot to add when on mc with the w. She said that my stance on moving back in gave her the strength to go file for d. So this is w mindset. I think she was just trying to have an excuse or justify her actions by making it appera that it was me that caused this. Thoughts. Suggestions?

You already know this is BS. You do not MAKE HER anything. You moved back in wanting to save your M, are doing MC, have suggested Retrov. You are not the cause of her doing anything. Don't believe the hype, as they say.

[DDogs]

SDFound Girl, PDT, Soliel, Spinfree, Bridge,, thanks for the excellent responses and support, that lifted my day....

Script.

Your W's sudden filing smacks of retaliation. She had the power, and then when you moved back in, she lost it. She's trying to regain the upper hand. You now have the unique opportunity to treat her filing as if it bores you. Agree with her...fighting gives her the feeling of power and control again. She will experience another crisis when you don't react...and then she will have to really think about whether she wants this D or not.

Hang in there!

SD

I like that idea,,,a lot!

In regards to treating it as if it bores me or not a concern, how about when I get served? and my actions in getting my L involved. I plan on not saying anything about L stuff (or R issues) to her, just shrug my shoulders,,Right now, no papers in hand, but I am planning on only responding to what the W initiates, let her drive this train..

(It also seemed to me as retaliation for standing up for myself...)

DD,
How can you let the financial consequences of her actions fall on her shoulders?

Can you change 1/2 of the bills into her name? Wife, I have decided, since we are going ahead with an in-house separation, 1/2 of the bills will be in your name. Here they are. *show her bills mailed to house in her name* If you do not pay them, your credit will be trashed. They come with size 10 big girl panties....

If she doesn't pay them, let them get shut off. Pay the deposit or whatever it takes to get them in her name. Let the emotional creature *feel* the weight of responsibility.

SpinFree

W had the 2 major utilities in her name elec/gas (about $500/mon) W told me in MC that she cancelled them effective 1/15. Handed me the contact info and said I need to put them in my name since she is now paying her own car ins/phone, etc.. (I know, more retaliation) I don't know how I can force her to have these in her name,,,

The other option is to tell W that if she wants out of the M then she needs to leave the home... that will again seperate me from the kids because we have not been to court so no ruling from a judge... I just want to do what is right, NOT VINDICTIVE..!

[DDogs]

I would say, from a WAW perspective.

You escalated this situation by moving back in & getting back in her face.

She chose to escalate by filing for D. To give you an idea for a timeline if you are 2nd guessing whether she really did or not, ....Our D paperwork was filed December 21.. he still has not received it.

Seems like you are both into "one-ups manship".

Ever see the movie Wargames?

Yes, I have,,I understand the concept of mutually assured destruction,,, it's hard walking a fine line between standing up for yourself and having someone see that as a power struggle... I'm more than willing to have a mutually respectful, engaged M...I think anything I do (or W may do) can come across as an attack...

[Steve McQueen]

They come with size 10 big girl panties....

boom, ba-ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, boom

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ever see the movie Wargames?

Yes, I have,,I understand the concept of mutually assured destruction,,, it's hard walking a fine line between standing up for yourself and having someone see that as a power struggle... I'm more than willing to have a mutually respectful, engaged M...I think anything I do (or W may do) can come across as an attack...

As distasteful as it may seem, the concept of "mutually-assured destruction" has kept the world relatively safe and peaceful for the past 70 years.

And as wonderful and blissful as it may seem, "unilateral disarmament" only leads to death and destruction, as others take advantage of your weakness.

There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, even if you know full-well it will be seen by your adversary as "escalation" or "one-upsman-ship." And, sadly, at this stage now that things have gone legal, DD and MrsDD are, in fact, adversaries. That's why they put that little "v" in-between the names of the two parties.

Puppy

[Bridgestone]

There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, even if you know full-well it will be seen by your adversary as "escalation" or "one-upsman-ship."

Puppy

yep.. it would appear she is getting & heeding the same advice.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

If her support group loves her, I'm sure she is.

[DDogs]

I'll read more from this board to get ideas, but from what I've been reading so far my best option seems to favor LRT and drop the f'n rope....

Made me laugh, though I know you didn't mean that to be funny.

SOLEIL: Actually,I did say that tongue in cheek, I had a picture in my head of a a 2x4 cracking me upside the head.. those that know me well, would say I do add comic relief in stressful and sometimes inappropriate situations ,,, yeah, this is a stressfull situation.. Hope I didn't make you ruin your keyboard with coffee....

[DDogs]

W support group that I know of consist of her "clik" of 7 divorced, in the process of divorce and divorced/remarried GF as well as co workers 15 yrs her junior...

I had the opportunity to sit in on a "b#tch session" once with the D crowd and it wasn't pretty,,, they were worse than man in my opinion, very catty... so I have a sense of her advice sources... I could go on about the total disfunctionallity of the group, but one of the EX H that I am friends with put it best, "they're all f'd up and all about themselves as their group sees them"