Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

DBD, I'm not going to say this to scare you but does your H know something you, your L and the rest of us don't know?

P, been think over this for a couple days, and maybe you are right. I'm also suspecting I might be under surveillance. I have nothing to hide and not dating, so why even bother. WAH knew my schedule last night and wanted to come in the house w S. S is very very angry with him and didn't let him in saying he wasn't going to kick me out of the house because he left. (I wasn't home.) I think things are going to get ugly(ier) on WAH's part. I'm going to move out with the kids to a smaller house I can care for and afford. Once I get support.

I'm really tired of all this. I don't love this person and I'm not even seeing glimpses of the old him. It's doing tons to destroy what's left. Never expected him to treat me this way. I am sad and wanting to cry for what's been lost but I think I'm out of tears. I miss being loved and miss loving him. It's hard for me to imagine loving someone else yet I don't love this alien.

Tears have shown up, guess they aren't all gone. I'm tired of this... I want to move on and have him be a distant memory. Wish it didn't hurt. I'm ready to say goodbye.