Thank you for the Happy New Year. Hope you enjoyed.
I really don't know what's going on, I feel like I've checked out, if h and i speak it's arguing. I have a lot resentment towards him, neither of us trust one another and both feel each other is playing a game on the other person.
I don't know if i want to be married to him, i do and i don't. i don't see him changing, yesterday i was not feeling well and he knew it but didn't say anything about it or offer to help, but continued to talk about himself how sick he was. blah blah blah. acknowledgement would have been nice or anything i can do, but it was totaly ignored.
he texts me/calls me middle of night, i had a bad dream are you ok, then says he came by last night, i never saw or heard him, this morning it's all i'm going to the store wife what do you need me to buy.
asking me if miss him, wants me to be like oh honey i miss you, why don't you meet us somewhere, how is your day blah blah blah. i know changing marriage can happen with one person, but it's like he just wants me to pursue him now. WTF? is he now suddenly the lbs? did we go and reverse our roles.
I was coy about "somebody" helping me and he turned disrespectful about me getting "some" in other words i choose not to repeat. when all along his comments have been jstar it would be good for you to have a friend to talk to, no it's ok if you date and now he's all angry.
this is frustrating and now i'm even more confused. i told him i don't know what i feel, that what has been going on is not working for me. i feel like a broken record and i am under the belief he is stupidest husband.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Thank you for the support. One day I'm like ok lets get a divorce, nothing is changing in the slightest, we just argue and seems like a huge waste of time. Then I'm like am I following db rules and making a change. I think more then anything I've dug my heels and being stubborn. Like well fine if your not going to do this th en i'm not going to do that. Yeah real mature and does not even appear as i want my marriage. I do and I don't. I've even caught myself with ILBNILY in thought but have not voiced it.
I'm even like well why doesn't h read freaking DR and treat me as a walk away spouse, that's never going to happen. probably when we do speak it's confusing. since i feel like everything is a game to him to mess with me and feelings, i just shut down and am like, ok well i've got the paperwork together and just going to file. this can go on for months and years.
i prompt him for a visitation schedule, says nope he won't do it. i say give me your work schedule, nope won't do it. says he wants wife and kids, i say ok then do what our counselor told us to do, committ to working on marriage under same roof for 60 90 days, eleminate the people who are against us getting back together and genuinely work at it each day, so he's like no i'm not moving back in, but do you miss me?
How do i get out of this?
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
If he really is so resistant to working things out, file for divorce. Maybe that will serve as a wake-up call.
For whatever reason, he doesn't respect you. I don't see how that is going to change until he is faced with losing you, at the very least.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
since i've stopped being dark, h and i speak somewhat, most of it arguing or him saying what he will do, me asking for schedules.
i just found out that i have a week of time on the books and that's all i will be paid when i go on maternity leave. so i either have to come back after the surgery after a week, of get h to step up, hmm which one do i beleive will happen without out a doubt, me having to return to work with a week old baby. YEAH. that' s my sarcasim.
if i speak to h about it, he will give this comment, well i'll try to help you out....help me out, arg! that is what you are supposed to do whether together or not,.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
EAch day I give h a try to see if his words match his actions, duh they don't. His latest is saying he wants to put all his cards on the table and that wants me to do that. OMG Ihave done that hmm 2-3 times. I guess now since he "says" he's going to now he thinks it's time for me.
So I had a scare yesterday, had to get to OB for a quick checkup, thankfully everything ok, just me doing to much.
So H comes over for about an hour, played a little bit with d2, asked where she goes during the day who watches her. I just turn his comments into mine. He keeps telling me he has errands to run and when he feels ready to tell me then he will, so i tell him when he askes about d2, well when i feel i can trust you then i'll let you know where she goes.
I jokingly say to him I have my deck of cards, he says oh well I don't have mine so you'll have to wait. I know this, here we go again, you say something you don't mean, I'm so tired of it. Leaves a msg about crap atleast what i think is crap.
my only response is i don't believe anything you say, when i see actions then maybe i'll believe, you words are just that words. I sent msg saying i don't think we should speak for 2 weeks.
Each time we do get together it ends up with me being so frustrated and disgusted with what he says in his lip service, he does not respect.
And I'm gonna let this man in while they are cutting me open, he@! no. he will upset me beyond believe and piss me off even while i'm delivering our son.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
well he says so many things he just doesn't follow thru on.
ex: leves vm, jstar i'll give you money thur if not def. on friday when i get paid. did he, no, he does not have the ability to follow thru with what he says.
how/what am I to do with that?
he claimed again that he was going to put all his cards out then doesn't but says he made an appointment to go talk to the time share people for an update and keeps asking me to go.
i am confused in what the hell he is thinking or how he can think that this is ok. i've asked him how can he think i woudl go with him but he is just an emotionally unavailable person. not just as we are seperated but throughout the r. i know i can't change him, and he does not have it or want to do it.
what would be the behavior i can do in myself to change that?
baby is good, have to be careful not to go into labor, or they will have to stop it so i don't bleed out but if presents an emergency they will just take the chance. i don't think i will go into labor but.....u never know.
surgery is scheduled for week of feb 14th, probably for ash wed.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
well he says so many things he just doesn't follow thru on.
ex: leves vm, jstar i'll give you money thur if not def. on friday when i get paid. did he, no, he does not have the ability to follow thru with what he says.
how/what am I to do with that?
Tell him!
"If I am going to be able to pay bills and expenses, I need to be able to rely on you to keep your promises."
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
