Help w MLC / WAW... Jack 3 Beans?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Mach is the DB goodwill ambassador.

Funny though when it came to the Guiness on Jack, of which I woul dhave paid Mach back for I hear tell everyone got 'tea' instead...tea...tea? Pansies are flowers... : )

You know what else helps?

Killing Zombies.

Back to the serious side.

B,

We do expect you to grow during this process. That doesn't mean follow advice, I'm not going to get upset if you don't take my advice...no one should, those are your shoes, I got my own, you know? But you need to grow, and learn from you mistakes.

After about the Nth time of you saying, "I know I am not supposed to talk to her about our marriage, BUT..." That when some of us...well me...discover that there are new people who might be better served with my time.

I don't get the feeling that you're going to fall into that category.

: )

[bradley11]

I hear you loud and clear

[bradley11]

Help with detatchment, sleep.

anybody have some good advice for how to sleep. I cannot get the thoughts out of my head that I've lost everything, my life sucks, my wife is with some guy who she thinks is her best friend and its not me...I just sit there all night and can't seem to get my head straight

[bradley11]

and how to get off the rollercoaster.

went down yesterday to visit grandfather. she called me 5 times in the morning- once left three voicemails in a row all with lingering, long messages...

I cannot help but be affected by these things...the main problem with me in the past was I abandonded her and was unavailable. thus I don't feel like going dark would be helpful for the overall cause... but I have to detach from the phone, somehow

[Bworl]

There are no "rules" Bradley.

If someone told you to go dark, (1) it was probably recommended for YOUR benefit (i.e. getting off the rollercoaster) and (2) they were probably just offering up things to consider.

Only YOU are THERE in the middle of your situation. Only YOU know the details and nuances of both your situation and the person that your wife is.

I've always thought, in general, that as long as THEY are doing the pursuing by contacting YOU, it's fine to participate and respond. Of course you are on the lookout for whether or not you are just being strung along for their advantage, but I'm inclined to think if your wife is writing you repeated, lingering messages, ignoring them is NOT sending the message you would like to send.

As for how to handle the sleepless nights, my experience is that it's part of how we slowly but surely come to grips with the situation. There ar things you can do to help the sleeping, like getting into some vigorous physical activity that wears you out, but eventually the sleeplessness will tail off. Like just about everything else with these messes, it takes time.


Blessings,

Bill

[kjensen]

Bill has good advice. I have remained a friend to my H through this-available by text/phone and would respond when he initiated. That got him coming back to me when the OW dumped him right after he asked me for a divorce.

He has mentionned that one of my greatest qualities he likes is my stability...He also noted that no matter what is going on his his crazy life, he always comes back to me..I am his "rock".

I would agree with your thought that if our wife complained you weren't available, then being available, consistently, with a light friendship kind of vibe, when she needs/wants, for now might be a good thing..just don't let it hurt YOU in the process...

SLeep...sometimes puting those thoughts down on paper before bed-journaling- helps..exercise..therapy..diphenhydramine ..reading (for fun) til you can't keep your eyes open.. Distraction is key for those ruminating thoughts for what your wife is doing, with whom...

It does get better. Hang in there!

[Grace_O]

Bradely,

Bill is certainly right about each of us knowing the nuances of our own situations. None of this is cookie cutter stuff.

Something that is really hard for alot of people that are married to Dr's is how alone thay can feel. It's not the life they expected it to be. I know my MIL had a hard time of it. For my FIL it was his calling and passion in life. Being married to someone that has that mission is something that really takes some deep thought and I think it takes a different type of person.

If she is contacting, I would respond. Again, watchful of an agenda. If it helps, keep it up, if not, change it.

HUGS

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Sleep = Nyquil

Don't recommend getting hooked on it though.
At the beggining if I found I couldn't sleep I would take a gulp of Nyquil.

Its self medication, not many are going to recommend it, but if you absolutely need the sleep.

After a time you won't need it.

[smith18]

Bradely -

The keeping in contact is great. Especially if she is the one that still wants to contact you. There seems much hope in your situation.

The sleep situation is a tough one. Been there and done that. I agree with Bworl about doing vigorous exercise in the evening so as to wear yourself down.

So what are your plans on moving back closer to your kids?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Before anyone thinks Jack is going to start pushing Meth next.

I agree whole heartedly with both Kerry AND Bill.

Workout exhaust yourself. 50 situps 20 pushups. Running in place.

The Nyquil was for the times at 1:30 - 3 am when your getting up at 6 and finding sleep is more difficult than finding Waldo.
I am not saying every night, I did it, every now and then, when I absolutely needed to get to sleep no other way.