I went for it last night and called the W. I left her a message stating I thought she would want to have an update on the kids and that I had been having a rough few days at work and hearing a nice voice would be good. (I never do the latter so I am not concerned about pursuant behavior, plus I never call her at night.) She called back..a little suprising. We had a nice conversation for about 20 minutes or so. I mainly asked questions and shut up. When everything is out of mind or shoved to the side, we still get along great. She did ask if she could come over today and say hi to the kids. My first thought was "no, we need to stick to the paretning plan and get use to the fact, this is he way it is". Then again, I want to be flexible. I may want the same opportunity when she has the kids...she is coming by this evening to say hi.
Conversations like last night really cloud the situation from my perspective. My W is the master at living in the moment and setting aside differences and/or issues in that moment so that she does not have to deal with them...this gives her the ability to be happy even if it is superficial. Thus, she is impossible to read!!
I am still questioning my approach. I know I have brought this stuff up before but it is important to me so...
I feel that if I am friendly to my W, I am for all intent and purposes, letting her off the hook. I am making it easier for her to be with the OM becuase she will feel less guilt about what she is doing i.e.,she can have a friendly R with the H and a R with the OM all wrapped up in a nice little package. Again, the best of both worlds for her.
The other approach is to take off the gloves, i.e., there is a third party involved and I will not stand for that, I have my pride and I do not want anything to do with you until you stop with the bad behavior. Is this approach DB'ing or are you throwing up the white flag?
I then asked myself last night what kind of R do I want with my W say two years from now when the pain is gone and I have truely uprooted, even if she has married the OM. What would our R be like right now if there was no pain involved? The answer to both is friends.
I have told her I want her to be happy. If I truely love my W, I should be happy that she is happy and then try like hell to make this a positive experience. When did I get so sentimental?
How many people last night with money on the game soiled themselves when Colt went down?
