Hey B, I figure, in a way, we're all in this together. I'd never visited a "chat room" or forum before and stumbled onto this one about three months post Bomb..It has saved me from thinking I was going crazy!
MLC is a strange animal. Most info about it is experiential-the group here with the resources and experience is invaluable.
Reading and educating myself has helped alot(I have a small self-help/MLC/Getting past affairs/Forgiveness/Communication library growing under my bed!), but the support and advice and sharing here has helped me the most.
I'm sorry you are here, but I'm glad you found this place.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
So I got "served" a summons for divorce today. Really has bummed me out even though part of me knew it was inevitable.
H and my mutual friend "J" said H sent him an email today that he signed the papers and he sounded kind of sad..H had a wave of sadness hit him on Tuesday night when he was working out with J as well.
I hope its sinking in..what this is doing to our family and our children..
Weird how H was kind of reaching out and texting/chatting on FB over last week and I was doing really well with DBing.
Just don't want to have anything to do with him right now. Just feel hurt.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
D12 and I had tickets to see a Boulder Dinner Theater production of Singing in the Rain. She had picked front row seats so we'd get wet in the title number(they give out ponchos to wear)..and we did get wet, but were laughing the whole time so it did me alot of good!
I'm actually surprised with how hurt/angry I am at H for going this far with the divorce...I knew this would happen so I'm not sure why the depth of my emotion occurred...I guess I really was holding out hope...
Oh well. My mind is always bouncing between imagining my life without H and imagining him "waking up" and feeling remorse of some sort..back and forth I go..I realize the life without H is the likely scenario I'll actually be in..but there's a piece of my heart/mind that thinks there's always that one in a million chance as Jim Carrey says in "Dumb and Dumber"!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
I'm sorry KJ. It hurts no matter how much you are expecting it.
You know the drill - he's on his journey for now and there isn't a golly thing you can do about it. It just sucks that you and the girls end up as collateral damage on the way.
You may not believe me now - but in a couple of years I think you'll agree this is one of the (I was going to say best, but I'll chose my words more carefully) most powerful things to ever happen to you.
You will be a different woman when you walk out the other side of this fire - you'll be stronger (like the pottery that's fired), you'll be shinier (like a ceramic glaze)and you'll be resilient enough to keep getting up no matter what throws you down.
You're H has a way to go. He's a little boy lost right now and he's just doing his best to find his way. It's OK to be mad at him - in fact it's probably healthy to be angry with him (I wish I'd learned that sooner). Compassion? Not so much today (and I'd be cross with you if you were compassionate about him today) - but the compassion you have consistently demonstrated for him is pretty remarkable.
One foot in front of the other sister ... that's your job right now and you sure are doing it.
Thinking of you, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Thanks Virginia. Very kind words! I know I'll come out stronger, I already am compared to a year ago. I used to live in a fairy-tale fog of sorts, certainly didn't listen as well as I should have or hear what I should have...or share what I should have!
My ears and eyes are open now. My heart is a bit dinged up but ticking! Onward and forward..just don't like walking through fire so much!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
I am sorry to hear that your H has served your summons for the divorce.
You must have been so so sad when it arrived. We all live in hope it won't happen even up to the eleventh hour.
Unfortunately in this game we continuallly get hurt as ouyr H never cease to go one beter every time even though you feel that they have done their worse.
H left me a message(I saw it was him and didn't pick up) at work this morning asking how the show was last night and how I was doing. Wanted me to call him back later, if I want..said he was going to work out with our friend J to relieve stress this morning.
Don't really feel like talking to him and sharing anything since all I feel is sad and hurt...so I think I'm withdrawing now.
Would there be any benefit of calling him back and acting "as if" everything is just fine? just wondering..not sure I'm that good of an actress...
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
Honestly,if you don't feel like calling him back don't. I think you are allowed to be sad and withdrawn and not have to talk to him about it. Really, he should know! In theory, anyway.:)
