Trying to stay positive. Trying to keep myself from thinking about the past - as soon as I get there I talk to myself and try and stop those thoughts. It's so tough. They come and it's exhausting having to police myself but I can't get bogged down in the negativity. So, I am just hoping in time it'll just get easier until I just don't think about it at all.
SA,
It WILL get easier with time. It may not seem that way right now, but it will, I promise.
In my case, I have used an exercise to help with my negative thoughts. And although it sounds like psycho-babble, it really works.
When I am feeling down, I identify the base cause of my negative feelings. It is usually some form of fear. Fear of being alone, of not being able to find someone as (fill in the blank) as my W (likely STBXW), fear of not being loved - all of these are premised on beliefs that will be the case.
Once I can pinpoint that base belief or cause of my negative feelings, I ask whether or not that belief is a reasonable one. Is it reasonable to believe that in all the world, there is not some woman out there who will love me, who will be willing to invest her life in a relationship with me? And the answer, of course, is no, that's unreasonable.
So, flip the unreasonable belief into a reasonable one. There IS someone (more likely someoneS) out there who will find me attractive and loving and will want to become involved with me.
And once you change your thought, then your emotions will follow.
Thoughts control emotions, not the other way around.
And, another unreasonable belief is that if I am single (i.e., "alone") then I will be lonely. Which isn't true. I have enough security with and in myself to know that even if I am single, I will not be lonely. I have friends and, most of all, I have my children. And no matter what, my children and I will be crucial parts of each others' lives.
Just try this technique. Someone very wise taught it to me.
Remember, change your thought, change your emotions.
