it did kinda make me think that the DB principles work.
They do work! I find it simply amazing how many men will see the principle of detaching played out right in front of them, but the very next opportunity.....they pursue. Just talked about that with another poster. Just be consistant with your 180's.
Quote:
I hope that she sees a lot of things that remind her of good times while she is in our old city. Our R was so strong when we lived there.
I have read many, many similar statements from LBS's who want every small, or large, opportunity to shake some awareness in their WAS. May I offer this suggestion to you? Well....I will anyway (lol). I know it may sound impossible, but can you try to not focus on what your W may be thinking while she is there? Take this time apart as a time of respite and get recharged. You need a break to rest your mind & body. Then when she comes home, you'll get to start with a clean slate and show her more of your 180's.
If you analyze everythig she does or everyplace she goes.....hoping she will feel this way or that way and it will return your old wife, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I say this over & over, but she is not the woman you M. She has changed. That M is dead. That R is dead. Wow! Sounds cold, doesn't it? You may never get that back and there is a possibility you will never get it just like it was. That is why it's best to think that it's dead and stop trying to raise it from the graveyard....and just consetrate on building a new MR.
This trip she's taking is NOT going to affect her the way you are hoping, and you are wasting precious energy to be putting focus on that. The best way to do is hope the trip will be good for her and she'll come home refreshed. That would be good if that happened, but no promise of effecting her feelings toward the M. See what I mean? Please....please stop expecting your W to change. It is you that must change.
Direct your attention to "you" and what you are working on and not what your W is thinking & feeling.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
