My husband and i reconciled after he had an affair. At first he apologized for hurting me, but not for the affair. That was the best I could get for about a month. Then we went to Retrouvaille where we were supposed to think about the things we had done that hurt the other person, and apologize for them. At that point he finally apologized for the affair because it was "the wrong thing to do." i was satisfied with that. But it still wasn't a full sorry. Because it was just a moral black and white statement, it didn't quite go as far as being real remorse for the damage to the relationship. That happened over time; the feeling of remorse has continued to grow. Though he no longer verbally apologizes (there's just so much time either of us wanted to dwell on the past) I know that he is now sorry at a much deeper level. And we're both happy that we overcame the divide between us. But it took a long time. Probably a year of drawing closer together, before we both felt comfortable with our togetherness again. I know it took at least 6 months before I heard the words "I love you" again. It is a process of remorse. It doesn't all happen at once.
