That sounds fair to me. i didn't realize you had promised to be in contact every night. I once had an internet relationship with a guy. He asked me not to post to him for a few days so he could think. I was in emotional turmoil the whole time. When he started posting again a week later, I told him I wasn't interested. My real friends don't cut off. When I want to talk to them, they are there. I figured, I could stick with my real friends.
That's a good idea, don't want her to think I'm dead and start planning her future with OM too soon....
That's one way to look at it. Another way would be "I want to respect the promise to my wife, even if only so she can reassure the kids."
I went back and re-read your situation, and was surprised to read this:
Quote:
I am happy that it is hitting home and only took 1 night. I am happy she is realizing her actions weather anything actualy DID or DID NOT happen.
Let me get this straight: you're happy that she's realizing the consequences of her actions, but you're not even sure that she has actually cheated on you again?
Maybe you should try this: Instead of going dark, go dim. Send her the "I'm alive" emails as you promised. When she says something like "you are a great husband, father, and provider, I love you and i miss you and don't want to lose you" respond with, "I appreciate hearing that. When I get home we'll have a lot to talk about."
If you talk to her on the phone, be polite and upbeat but reserved.
You generate mystery and curiosity on her part; you are open to the possibility of working things out without making any statements either way.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
The reason i said that is because i want to believe her but not sure yet if i can fully trust her.
If you read back earlier she made contact with OM, HID IT, LIED about it, In that contact she had called him BABE, then told him KISSES.....
Enough to get the Mind and Juices going I THINK SO. The OM is the OM she had a PA with before...
Yeah, and enough to make it hard for ME to feel sorry for her . . . sorry.
I still say "dark" is better than "dim," considering the doubts I join you in having, but if you made a promise to her to let her know once/day that you're alive and well, then a short note like the one suggested above is perfect.
See how powerful NC can be??? Let her THINK. Let her MISS YOU.
The reason i said that is because i want to believe her but not sure yet if i can fully trust her.
I understand that; the way it was phrased, it sounded like you didn't care that she might not actually be cheating on you again.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I don't think i can handle this to much longer, i think i have hit the complete bottom....Called to talk to the kids before bed and after she wanted to talk. We talked about me coming home for R&R and it just felt like empty. W will be working the whole time but will have weekends and mondays off. Won't even try to get the time off that is her normal schedule anyway. Talked about changing posts when i get back and she said that she wanted to stay there.
I caught myself little bit ago thinking about crazy stuff and i just feel so lost any more. Im just so tired of the pain and wanting to get past this so bad.
1 day at a time
Me:33 Wife:32 M: 6/26/99 D:8 S:6 Bomb: 8/08 PA MC/IC: 8/08-7/09 Bomb: 12/26/09 Contact OM(I need to work on me) In Limbo
Beware of negative thinking! You can talk yourself into a crisis. Hey, she wanted to talk. that's good. So, she didn't agree with you on everything. People don't always agree. When you are there, you can talk some more and find out all the ins and outs of why she doesn't want to move. I don't understand the part about her schedule. Three day weekends sound good to me. How much time would she normally have off?
Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? That's when you believe something will happen. You act as if that thing will happen, and lo and behold, it happens! Divorce can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. if you are depressed because you think your relationship is faltering, then that makes the relationship worse, and from there things can continue to get worse until they lead to the inevitable conclusion.
That's why Michele W. Davis says you should "act as if". Act as if everything is good. You are happy. Life is good. Because positive things happen to people who think positively. Want her to be more loving? Act as if you are in a very loving relationship, your positive energy can bring forth good things.
I don't understand the part about her schedule. Three day weekends sound good to me. How much time would she normally have off?
I am in IRAQ and have been here for a while i will only be home for 2 weeks. I would think a loving wife would take some time off to be with her husband that has been deployed for a while and is going back cor another 6 months or so..
[b]Act as if you are in a very loving relationship, your positive energy can bring forth good things.[/b]
I am really trying at this, guess I can't be strong all the time, but all i can do is try.
Me:33 Wife:32 M: 6/26/99 D:8 S:6 Bomb: 8/08 PA MC/IC: 8/08-7/09 Bomb: 12/26/09 Contact OM(I need to work on me) In Limbo
I am really about to blow up here , don't know i just had to come here and just start typing and say what is going on. I am so pissed right now i am soooo mad i cant even think straight and i just want to call the W and just tare in to her but. I am soooooooo pissed and cant take this too much longer. She was out at the Bar last night where the OM works and didn't get in until almost 4 in the morning and I know i am 10000 miles away and there's nothing i can do and it makes it even harder for me to get a grip on this. I guess the fixer mode part of me wants to be there to find out exactly what the "F" she is thinking. I am feally soooooo emotionally f'ed up right now and can't keep going on like this. I am just enraged and frustrated and PISSED aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
about to snap
Me:33 Wife:32 M: 6/26/99 D:8 S:6 Bomb: 8/08 PA MC/IC: 8/08-7/09 Bomb: 12/26/09 Contact OM(I need to work on me) In Limbo
